Ok, I admit it. I am in full fledged, gut wrenching, sleep inducing (at the wrong times), brain paralyzing, inability to form coherent sentences - let alone write a lit review and proposal that is due on MONDAY, panic.
'Member when I was all "happy" about being here and living my foot loose and fancy free life style? Well, fuck that.
I. Am. Screwed.
I am in lock down mode. My brain has frozen up. I can't do anything except play video games or Solitaire on the computer. I have taken to online chat like a duck to water. Seriously, I never used any kind of messenger thing before - now I'm like a freaking junkie. Terrance catches me as I am hunched over the screen like Gollem, protecting my pressssshussssss, rationalizing that it must be "cheaper" to chat with Leah and Jessica this way, right?
I banished myself to campus on Wednesday. What did I do? Looked up a Colbert shirt I plan on buying myself at some point...
Hey Feral/HBM/Bobita, when the hell does this phase pass? When can you think again? I mean, discussion in class? I fucking ACE that shit. I am all about drawing parallels and introducing extra theorists into the mix for the hell of it. I can draw in literary references and cross critical theory into pop culture. I can use the word hegemony now, in context. I can look disparagingly at the sad Masters students who know so very little of life and our profession. What do you mean, you have never heard of the study regarding newborn infants smell preferences? HAHAHAHA! Peon!
And then, I go home and freeze up. I shuffle about. I do laundry. I make sure Emily's school shirts are super white! I do dishes.
Let me repeat that for emphasis. I fucking do the fucking dishes. I have been seen scrubbing the fucking, cocksucking tub. It's as if I have become Bizarro Dawn. Next I will start baking shit ( seeing as I now already "volunteer" at Em's school library on Friday).
Internet friends. Help. I fear if I start the drinking, I may loosen up so much as to be confined to the tub* for the next several days. Or perhaps I will be persuaded that those ultra tight blue jeans (ala Jordache 1979) are a good idea and purchase several pair. And then wear them with Ugg boots. And Very big Jackie O sunglasses.
OK. Off to see what I can clean in order to not write this proposal. I think Emilys socks need sorting by size and textile.
(* reference to the fact that when dawn gets a special kind of drunk, she usually falls asleep in the shower, right Tb's?)
P.S. Lachine is an area of the city near to where we live. The Lachine canals. It is a lovely spot with bike paths for miles.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
19 Baleful Regards:
ahhh..i comment knowing full well the appeal for comments is part of the parade of distractions. and yet i succumb.
all i know, sister, is you need to dig deep into that part of you that digs deep, sit the fuck down, and WRITE. but then, you already know this.
I was going to give you a couple pointers on how to put off the writing even more, because that's my specialty (hint: googling pictures of naked actors), but that's exactly what you DON'T need (whatever you do, stay away from Etsy - that shit'll get you fucked up!). Good Luck!! And more !!!
I am the master procrastinator so perhaps I should silently slink away lest my bad habits rub off on you.
nate calls the computer my presshhhhhusssss to and it makes me want to smack him in the head with it. But I couldn't do that to my computer.
Come on now, friends don't let friends avoid homework. Stop scrubbing the frakking tub, sit down, and write that proposal!
But if you want to chat, I've got an MSN Messenger account :)
Oh, dude. You are making me almost crap my pants with the excitement of FINALLY BEING UNDERSTOOD. You get me. You are living MY life. (Except for the tub scrubbing, dish doing part).
There are three golden rules:
1. Just be ready for tomorrow.
2. Everything always gets done.
3. If it doesn't, you take an "EX"
4. Tomorrow is another day.
In the meantime, in between time, tend those gnomes. And, when you have a brilliant insight in the shower? Write that shit down. From little scrawls do giant papers grow.
I have a conference paper to present in five days. I have not started it yet. I am drunk.
I must respectfully disagree with The Great Liz. I am the master procrastinator. At least when it comes to writing for school. Ask my high school English teacher.
Maybe you could combine your new procrastination pursuits with your proposal writing? Maybe you could chat with someone about your assignment-- bounce ideas off someone, and then actually, you know, write about them? (You can totally chat with me about your paper if you want. I promise not to be bored).
Or maybe pretending you were writing it for the blog would help?
Oh, dude, why did you make me look at that shirt? Now I have to buy it sometime. Looking at pictures of Stephen Colbert at that dinner make me all tingly.
it's called "writer's block." it happens. hell, i put off writing shit for work (i'm doing so right this minute, as a matter of fact, because southern comfort and diet pepsi is sooooo much more fruitful), and i get PAID to write shit for work. the bottom line is--eventually, yes, you will get off your ass and write. don't panic, don't try to force it, it'll happen.
but i'm drunk, so what do i know?
Just address your paper to one of the many less advanced colleagues in yuo rclass, and when you are done, take the salutation off the top.
What up with the cleaning? I've been doing laundry and kind of enjoying it. It is just sick what a person will resort to out of avoidance.
Washing the dishes? Scrubbing the tub? BAKING? For God's sake, it's the end of the world as we know it.
I had not a shred of domesticity in my body until I started my first Master's. Then miraculously I learned to cook, kept my apartment immaculate, and was even known to SEW on occasion (!!!) all in the name of avoiding the inevitable writing assignments. I've always worked best with a little bit of pressure, but this nearly killed me. However, my place was NEVER so clean as when I had a big assignment due.
Good luck. Solidarity from one master procrastinator to another.
Shit, I'm not doing schoolwork or housework. Oh wait, I did kind of make a half-assed swipe at the dust collecting on the TV. And I even got out my reading assignments and put them in my bag and everything.
Yeah, I totally suck.
I thought you just liked to be really really clean.
Once, I wallpapered my bathroom instead of doing research for my thesis. Have I mentioned how much I despise wallpaper?
Hang in there girl. I know when it gets down to crunch time you'll pull through.
I so remember those days. Good stuff. My house is filthy so if you need another one to clean when you're done with your own, come on over!
Seriously, when does it pass? When you graduate. Because then you can be all "pshaw. I don't have to clean. I went to fucking GRADUATE SCHOOL so I wouldn't have to clean!"
Ah, Mrs. Fortune, right on! Word for freakin'word.
Hang in there, Dawn. I like the "If you go out and have fun, the inspiration will come" approach. Only clean if it's really making you happy. Otherwise, well, going out for coffee's always nice...
Did I ever tell you how much DRINKING I did in Law School? Do you know how much reading and writing is involved in Law School? Do you know how much reading and writing can be avoided by serious drinking? Well, you wouldn't believe...
The good news? You will get throught it. The bad news? Hang-overs!
I wish that I could offer you some advice or consolation but...I am obviously not qualified. This is precisely why I am reading your blog, rather than writing my #$%^& dissertation!! Heh.
Sending some "brilliant, thoughtful academic writer" vibes your way...
Thank you for a great story about your Brazilian wax job.
Also, thanks for the Colbert shirt link.
Love, your pal Gary T.
Post a Comment