Big Mother

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Ladies and Gentlemen of the tinterwebz, I propose a new and exciting reality style television show:

Combining all the back stabbing excitement of Survivor, all the voyeuristic pleasure of Big Brother and all the other shit that keeps billions of people watching these show (we'll make 'em dance, we'll make 'em sing, maybe we will even put them all in a hot tub and a couple of them will make out!), I give to you

Survive Your Mother!

This exciting new reality series will place 12 of the truly craziest mothers in One House, letting them claw their way to the title of "America's Craziest Mother".

Our contestants will be placed inside a house and given various challenges, such as:

Who can make a majority of their child's friends feel that their child is just being "mean" to them, through no fault of their own? Bonus points will be given for comments the specified child receives including the phrase "Your mom seems really nice."

The back handed compliment serve. Which mother can deliver the most back handed compliment? Points double for any use of the words "Pretty" and "fat" in combination.

Family Holiday dinner! In which the Moms attempt to cook and serve any holiday dinner to each other without devolving into a brawl including "Who cooked these fucking lumpy potatoes? Stevie Wonder?" or "You know, I always wondered if that child I miscarried would have been the one who truly loved me." and the ever popular "Nobody at this table really likes you, you know..."

Sibling Pit Fight: Which mom can get her children to fight with each other with the fewest words said?
Bonus points for a fight which will involve any future "will".

Mothers storming out of house will be disqualified. All Mothers must Stay in House with other contestants in order to be considered for grand prize. Unlimited wine provided.Some restrictions will apply.

(C'mon...I know you have some challenges that we could propose! )

3 Baleful Regards:

SUEB0B said...

There should be a contest for passive-aggressiveness. I submit my mom for entry based on this gem:

roo said...

In the bonus challenge round of the back-handed compliment serve: Start to cry when you can tell you hurt your child's feelings. Weep until your child is consoling you for making her feel bad.

Dawn said...

SB- there should be a round of "best recall of something said that was in no way intended to be used as ammunition"....because your mom is clearly a round winning contestant there.

And Roo - Your comment made me laugh. As in Actually Laugh. Because I forgot the crying.

I think there should be a lightning round of "I hope your children don't appreciate you the way you don't appreciate me" as well.

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