Random pieces of information- Take 2

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Good advice no one ever told me:

Halloween isn't fun when you are the person carving the pumpkin, buying the candy and enduring the constant pleas of "How much longer until we can trick or treat?"

If you are in your 20's, STD free and unattached - and are of the inclination - you should have protected sex with whomever you chose. Really. I look at these young beautiful women and think about how much time I worried about my "reputation", et al. What the hell was I saving myself for?

Don't bother to fake an orgasm - I mean, honestly. It does nothing for you, and gives your partner zero feedback. If they are doing something that isn't working for you, speak up. In fact, don't fake anything.

TB's adds: Go naked more often, which I agree with whole heartedly

Buy and wear the pretty underwear. For yourself.

Get massages.

Young men in their 20's are idiots. I also look at them and am astounded that anyone finds them charming or attractive. I certainly do not. (I qualify this by saying that they are "cute", certainly. However, having watched them close up for two years now, and seeing these lovely young women look at them adoringly....Sigh. Kind of makes me want to shake them. The same feeling I had when I saw pre-kids, pre-crazy Brit and K-fed, and I wanted to grab her and say "NO!!!!!")If you are in love with one of these men, know that they will not change (see Lisa's Comment). What you see is what you get later on. But with Hair growing out of odd places.

There may come a moment when you think "My partner actually understands me!" and you will be grateful. This moment, of course, may pass. It will come back again, you just can't know when.

Other peoples babies are very cute. Your baby will be the most work/worry/lack of sleep/joy you never imagined. Proceed with caution.

There is nothing more pleasurable than laying in bed in the sunshine. Adding coffee ups the pleasure even more.

Parking in a city engenders a certain ruthless attitude.

Eat what you want.

Reading graphic novels as an adult is really fun.

Spending money on music is never wasted. Yes, you may regret some of the CD's in hindsight (Yes Slow Jams CD I am talking about you)

Drink the wine you like.

You will come to enjoy the joy of someone else cooking for you. When your parent did it, I mean - it was no big deal. If you have had to do it for yourself, you will be wildly grateful for a nice bowl of soup made by someone else.

There will come a day when you weigh - heavily - the two to three days of being hungover for the one evening of drunken debauchery.

Hit me with your wisdom, my loves.

22 Baleful Regards:

Fraulein N said...

I should laminate this.

Anonymous said...

I always say I would tell any woman in their 20s to go naked more and skip the guys their own age for either someone in their late teens or early 40s depending on whether they want fun or security.

Dawn said...

Its true Tb's - Your boobs get no perkier, and your skin? So tight and soft and pretty.

Women in their 20's? We need to get them to stop thinking they aren't gorgeous.

Of course, there are awesome benefits to being in your late 30's. Like never faking an orgasm.

Never That Easy said...

That's some pretty awesome advice...I guess I'll have to start going naked more often, since I've only got a year or two of twenties left.

Lisa said...

You said it on #2. And on #3. I wish I would have known that some guys never outgrow the mentality guys typically have in their 20's.

Anonymous said...

I'm a big graphic novel fan.
Have you read "Persepolis"?
The movie version is excellent too.

Mitzi Green said...

buy and wear the not-so-pretty but comfortable underwear--for yourself.

there is never "a good time" to get married, get divorced, have a kid, change jobs, etc. do what makes you happy when your gut says to do it.

and if you'll rip me a copy of your "slow jams" cd, i'll send you a copy of "80s metal ballads."

Anonymous said...

Wear sunscreen.

Heather B. said...

Love this!

Kristine said...

Yeah, the whole 20's thing...I'm so with you on that one. What the hell was I worried about? Really...why wasn't I a slut?

Anonymous said...

I've often thought I would not mind being 20 again if I could take my 50 plus wisdom with me. Nah, forgetaboutit. I like me right where I am.

Marie said...

I LOVE your list! Will come back later to add on....

Anonymous said...

If you don't like the way your life was during the first 18 years, don't caplitalize on the sorrow it caused by being stupid and impulsive. Sure, let your freak flag fly and all that, but do yourself a favor and get some counseling. Don't wait until you're already fucking up your kids before you realize it's time to get help. Not that I would know...or anything. Yes! Laminate this shit! All of it!

Peggy said...

The only thing you get from faking an orgamm is more bad sex.

Anonymous said...

Faking an orgasm just trains the bastards to disappoint yet another woman. Women in their twenties have an obligation to their sex to train these fuckers. Humping and pumping is just not going to do it, lads. GET IT IN YOUR THICK SKULLS. THe penis unto itself, is not God's gift to women. Regardless of what movies may tell/show you.

Also, if something feels wrong, it probably is. Run, get out, change...do whatever you have to do to change direction. Trust. Your. Gut.

Meghan said...

Enjoy the unknown aspects of the future when you are 20 amd unattached. I spent too much time feeling terrified about the unkown lying ahead of me.

Once you are married, you kind of see your future. And then, often, your future looks maddeningly BORING. The unknown is more thrilling than scary, in retrospect.
Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who didn't end up in prison. Ask someone in the slammer, and they may tell you to be afraid.

Meghan said...

Oh, and right an about guys in their 20's. They were all morons now that I think about it.

Dawn said...

SO true, my fiends, so true.

I thought of another this morning.

Don't laugh at anything you don't find funny.

Anonymous said...

Spend money on good bras, the seamtress who tailored my wedding dress told me, "You dont' have five dollar boobs dont' buy five dollar bras." She was right.

Spend money on good shoes, they are more comfortable.

You do not have to justify the new winter coat for YOU, if your kid needed it you would buy it.

TRY IT ON. Oh the money I could have saved on things I never wore after I bought them.

Hershey's is not GOOD chocolate, buy the good stuff (vosges. . . yum)

SuperP. said...

I never thought I would understand such a post, when I was younger. I never understood these wistful pieces of advice. And now, I do, so well. lol!

My fantastic body did finally head south. I am still in shock and have since thrown out my full length mirror. My child was colicky and also screamed bloody murder whenever I am certain that she actually simply meant to cry or whimper or weep. I dated three ridiculous men for much too long, which too much too long to get over. I used to drink my guy buddies under the table. Now, I have to watch how much cough syrup I take in without risking a dehydrated migraine.

But, thankfully, everything turned out well. I'm just tired and it shows. ;) And, I'm wiser. For who? For those young girls that don't listen and won't see until their time.


Juliness said...

I think I love you. I really do.

If I could find a way to bundle this up and send it to myself 20 years ago, I would. I really would.

Thank you, THANK YOU for posting this.

Woman with Kids said...

Remember that this too shall pass, be it good or bad. So enjoy it or get over it.

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