Wednesday, December 16, 2015

I recline in the chair and breathe slowly.

In. Out. In.

The task is for me to bring my body into some sort of stasis, consciously relaxing the parts in which I am carrying tension. This is harder than it sounds and I scan up and down, then back up. Eventually I can feel my muscles start to release.

The acupuncture needles are placed and I breathe into them, acknowledging twinges as the needles slide into my body.

On the best days I move into a twilight sleep. In this fuzzy liminal state I slow my breathing and concentrate on moving the energy into the places on my body that are stagnant. I feel pain leave, replaced by warmth.

On the worst days I fight the looping coils of my brain, talking, tumbling, toiling to make sense of the world and my place in it. My pain ebbs, but there is no surrender on those days.


Tonight Terrance asks me if I think I am depressed.

It is too hard for me to judge. I don't think so, but maybe I am.

 There has been no quiet in my brain and without that quiet I remain in constant agitation, a human perpetual motion machine.

Soon I will be able to rest.


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