In Target:
Emily: I don't get "fitbit".
Me: Neither do I. I don't need that kind of pressure in my life.
Woman in target looking at the FitBit display: Oh, actually they're really fun! I don't even want to recharge mine in case I miss counting steps."
Me ( looking balefully at her): Yeah. I don't need that kind of pressure. I got other shit to worry about.
In Gap:
Me to Em in dressing room: Here are some nice summer dresses.
Em ( changing into one): Mom. You got me a romper. Did you want to see me in a romper?
Me: I did not get you a romper. That's a dress.
Em: There are legs on this. It is a romper. I am coming out to show you.
Me: Jesus. That's terrible. Do you like this?
Em: NO! But you gave it to me to try on.
Me: No one should wear a romper over the age of 3. I apologize for that awfulness. Take that off.
In Walmart:
We are picking up Em's Adderall. The pharmacist comes over to ask "Any questions?"
Emily: NO.
Me: Geesh, that was emphatic.
Emily: I've been taking this for years.
Me: You make it sound as if you are a hard core drug user.
Pharmacist stares at us.
We walk away.
Me: I don't think Dave found us to be amusing.
Home:
I am in my bathroom changing the liner and shower curtain.
Terrance: Hey!
Me: Oh, hey.
Terrance: Did you buy more cider? When I pulled in, I saw two more six packs of cider.
Me: Yeah.
Terrance: Got plans to drink all of that?
Me: Shit yeah. I have a new shower curtain and liner and 12 bottles of cider. Shit's getting real now that school is almost done! Watch out! I plan on binge drinking and showering!
Terrance (completely deadpan): Okay.
No one finds me as funny as I find myself.
Emily: I don't get "fitbit".
Me: Neither do I. I don't need that kind of pressure in my life.
Woman in target looking at the FitBit display: Oh, actually they're really fun! I don't even want to recharge mine in case I miss counting steps."
Me ( looking balefully at her): Yeah. I don't need that kind of pressure. I got other shit to worry about.
In Gap:
Me to Em in dressing room: Here are some nice summer dresses.
Em ( changing into one): Mom. You got me a romper. Did you want to see me in a romper?
Me: I did not get you a romper. That's a dress.
Em: There are legs on this. It is a romper. I am coming out to show you.
Me: Jesus. That's terrible. Do you like this?
Em: NO! But you gave it to me to try on.
Me: No one should wear a romper over the age of 3. I apologize for that awfulness. Take that off.
In Walmart:
We are picking up Em's Adderall. The pharmacist comes over to ask "Any questions?"
Emily: NO.
Me: Geesh, that was emphatic.
Emily: I've been taking this for years.
Me: You make it sound as if you are a hard core drug user.
Pharmacist stares at us.
We walk away.
Me: I don't think Dave found us to be amusing.
Home:
I am in my bathroom changing the liner and shower curtain.
Terrance: Hey!
Me: Oh, hey.
Terrance: Did you buy more cider? When I pulled in, I saw two more six packs of cider.
Me: Yeah.
Terrance: Got plans to drink all of that?
Me: Shit yeah. I have a new shower curtain and liner and 12 bottles of cider. Shit's getting real now that school is almost done! Watch out! I plan on binge drinking and showering!
Terrance (completely deadpan): Okay.
No one finds me as funny as I find myself.
1 Baleful Regards:
"No one finds me as funny as I find myself."
I can really identify with that quote.
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