Now, with More Sex Talk!!

Sunday, March 24, 2019

So we all know about my daughters penchant for asking me pointed questions regarding sex and sexuality when I least expect it..Right?

It is not as if I am embarrassed when it comes to bodies and sexuality. I always insisted that children be given the correct names for their genitals - in school and at home. My family was modest, but not prudish. Genitals are parts of a child's body and should be given the correct name, just as an elbow, or a toe.

So it isn't the technical aspect that has been giving me pause.

It is the realization that at 8.5 years, my daughter is experiencing pre-pubescence. I see it in her hips and legs. I notice the padding of fat starting to form around her breasts. She complains that her nipples are itchy sometimes. She is starting to notice boys a little more closely.

And, well...this makes me uncomfortable. As practical as I feel about sexuality, I don't think I want it to affect my child.

This is both a ridiculous and understandable feeling. One the one hand, as uncomfortable as her emerging sexuality may be for me, it is my Job as her mother and female role model to give her the language, the knowledge and the confidence to manage puberty as best she can.

On the other hand...This is my baby. The manifestation of her fathers and my love and sexual union. She is beautiful, she is innocent, she is pure.

The acknowledgment that she is awakening in her sexual curiosity is the knowledge that she will soon come to look at her father and I differently too. She will begin to understand that there is more than we have told her about our relationship. That while she did indeed grow inside my body and that it took a piece of daddy and a piece of mommy to create her - there was more to it than that. She will begin to know that her father and mother are sexual creatures too.

So, I wade into these murky waters - as every mother in the world has before me, and all others will after me. I try to balance my need to protect her against her need to trust me for correct information.  I know that this is just the very tip of the iceberg. The hard work of parenting a teen girl is being built on this foundation. The hard work of helping her make good decisions in those years is being influenced by every reaction, every discussion. Her path to her own sexuality as a young woman is being paved by these discussions, and as much as it makes me squirm, it is a gift for which I can can help her prepare.

Even if I have to have big glass of Merlot afterward.

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