And all you parents out there know what I am talking about -
Say it with me!
School is back in session!
Lord Baby Jeebus - that was one long ass vacation.
I was worried by this morning that Terrance and Emily might actually fall to the ground and begin to wrestle in earnest - That perhaps a thunderdome had been constructed in my living room and the cast of Mad Max was coming to cheer the two of them on.
Two go in - One comes out.
And Frankly, I think there is even money on both of them. Terrance may have bulk and muscle, but Em has whining and crying and the way she says "Daaaaaaaaadddddddddyyyyyy" which seems to make him move. Oh and any mention of her labia, cramps or breasts. That stops him dead in his tracks.
The first week can almost seem jolly and festive. Christmas is coming. Errands need to be done, packages wrapped. This year my "Mommy and Em" craft was fleece scarves and hats, so we needed to finish those gifts. Movies are an easy option for an afternoon activity and we are not completely sick of each other as a threesome.
But By Monday of this week - Whoo wee.
Here are some things Emily and I have argued about:
1. The type of multigrain bread I buy. She objects as it has "seeds and nuts and stuff". The grilled cheese I make on this bread is deemed unacceptable as the added nutritive value of the aforementioned seeds and nuts has canceled out by the buttery cheese.
2. Soup. How anyone can argue about soup is beyond me, but my kid can do it. Too salty. Not salty enough. Containing barley instead of rice. Too much broth. Too many vegetables. AAAAHHH. Its SOUP. JUST EAT IT......and NO WE ARE NOT ORDERING PIZZA!!!
3. Her hair.
NEVER ENDING ARGUMENT. I plan on laughing my ass off when she says something to me in the future about her daughter and combing her hair. If Terrance's button is "girly parts talk" then mine is definitely the whimpering about the combing. The whimpering that becomes full fledged Moaning and crying. Makes my armpits tingle and the cold sweat breaks out.
4. Making her bed.
Although I can SEE her bed. Although I know how to properly make a bed. Although at no time have my instructions to my daughter included "Please throw at the blankets at the foot of your bed and pretend you have made your bed"...this is what she does. When I point this out with this :"Please go back in your room and make your bed FOR REAL" she stomps - STOMPS back with the exhortation "WHAT?!" with her hands up in the air, waving them around, because apparently this looks fine to her.
5. The book report she was supposed to turn in this week.
You know - cause her weeks were so booked with complaining about my cooking, her hair and (not) making her bed she simply couldn't squeeze out the time to do the reading and writing for this one page book report.
and finally - the crowning king argument of the pst two weeks:
Television ( including Wii Sing it).
Seriously. By Thursday, I declared our house to be a Television free zone. For which she punished me mercilessly. But listen. I could not take one more second of Zack and Cody, or Hannah Montana or Raven or Anything. I just COULDN'T. I developed an actual physical reaction when I heard the voices- Seriously. I had to take rescue remedy at one point to keep me from completely losing my mind.
So after she went to school today, Terrance asked me what I was planning to do.
And I said - Nothing.
For real. I am doing nothing today, because the rest of the week is already booked and I need to day to myself.