Tuesday, June 09, 2009

My past week has pushed the tenuous push and pull of choices and consequences in the forefront of my brain.

Beyond my three person family, some heavy shit has been happening in my family of origin. So heavy, in fact, that I have had to wade into that quagmire and start to pull out the debris of decades and figure out what the hell to do.

As always, I go to my adult place. It is, after all, what keeps me sane. Calm rational Dawn. You all may not be as familiar with this manifestation of myself, but she - Like Professional Dawn - is amazingly well put together.

After many, many months of my well orchestrated avoidance, my mother has burst through the citadel and reintroduced herself into my life. Yeah. There was a 7:30 am phone call today. Seven thirty in the MORN-ING. She even said "Is there something the matter" to me when I did not greet her with the appropriate amount of enthusiasm? Verve? Whatever people who are awake and alert at 7:30 in the morning possess?

Seeing me move, Coco assumed that it was time for nose rubbing and salad.

"What mom?"

rub-rub-rub, scratch, rub, nose bump, more rubbing

"oh. Ok. That sounds good"

Rub, rub, rub, rub, nose bump to demand more rubbing. Now staring, with the one unblinking rabbit eye.

"Ok. Yep. All right. Hmm? Yes. Ok. Bye"

There is stirring from the other rooms as Emily comes in to lay on top of me. This is her morning greeting. Laying directly on top of me....preferably on top of my inevitably full bladder.

"Were you on the PHONE?" she asks. She is unbelieving too. The mother she knows barely speaks to the people to whom she lives prior to 8 a.m., let alone on the dreaded phone.

In this side family drama not related to the entropy of my marriage, many things are fading in and out of focus. Who is the keeper of truth in a family? What roles do we play as adults to our siblings? Where is the line between helpful and overbearing? I am walking this line with my sister as she sorts through the consequences of her actions - and we all sort out the consequences of my mothers actions or lack thereof.

And here is the sticking point, not so much who is at fault - but who will tell the truth? Who will verify in a family of secret keepers and master chameleons? Who will be the adult?

Me. I am the adult - and not in a martyred poor me way, I get enough of that rained down on me by my mother that I don't need to replicate it. I choose to be the adult and take responsibility for my actions...or my choice to be silent.

In the utter terribleness of the last week, I am being given a way to a relationship with my sister. For that I am immensely grateful.

2 Baleful Regards:

Anonymous said...

The death knell of my relationship with my mother opened up a new kinship with my brother. The brother I'd fought tooth-and-nail with forever.

Now we speak every day and I can't imagine my life with out that. We both agree it's a relationship not unlike veterans. We spilled the same blood on the same field. We are stronger than simply siblings, because we hold each other's truth.

I wish you a similar experience with your sister.

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