Not seen, Not believed

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Terrance was born in Detroit, Michigan, on a fine October day back in 1961. Attending the birth were his mother, father , and various nurses and doctors.

He grew up in the same city in which he was born.

Later, he went east to some fancy pants school where he was often one of the only black dudes to be seen for miles and miles around. He got an undergraduate degree in Law and sociology. He got a Masters degree in Sociology and even had three years of lawyer school. He got a Doctorate in Sociology. He taught at some colleges and university's and was a good professor, from what I have been told. He got good at socializing amongst the white people. he even got one to marry him.

BUT, I think he isn't telling me the truth. I think he was born in Kenya. Or maybe Mali. Niger? Chad? Some place with Black people.

Why do I think this?

He doesn't have a birth certificate.

Yeah, his mom has some "story" about how he was born in Detroit and everything...but I don't know. I mean Yeah - I see him walking around. Yeah, I reproduced with him. But I can't be sure that he IS who he says he IS. I can't be sure that the schools and other institutions that he has attended have adequately documented who he IS, for real.

His "Mom" - if that is who she really that I think about it, I didn't see her gestate and push him out after all - said she went to the records division and was told that the "Hospital", if it was really that - "burned down" in the late 60's and that the records were "lost".

"burned down"? "Burned Down"? ! More like she BURNED it down to hide the evidence of his non-birth. She was a member of the Black Panthers, after all. It was part of her crazy plot to rid the world of whiteys.

According to "her" - if she is female, I have never seen her naked after all, she then went to the state capitol and tried to get some kind of record stating Terrance was born in Michigan - which they wouldn't give her, because they don't have any kind of record ...because they were "burned" with the hospital fire.

Now, we did have a document - a small3X5 card that was alleged to be his birth certificate. It was pretty beat up and when we mailed it in for his passport...we never got it back. Lost, they said. But we all now can see where this is going? The Black Panther Conspiracy that set these wheels in motion in 1961, with the planned insemination of my husbands "mother" and the subsequent burning of the hospital had intercepted the birth certificate and destroyed it.

I see it all now. My husband is not a black African American Man from Detroit, but part of the African Continents long range plan to take over the United States and oppress teh white peoplez.

Why didn't I see this earlier? Was it my liberal, bleeding heart conscience? No, it couldn't be that.

He drugged me. He and his wiley black family drugged me and convinced me he was an American and that I should fall in love with him and get married and produce a baby. How could I have been so blind not to request and see a certified, official, cross your heart and hope to die copy of a birth certificate in a zip-loc bag, hand presented to me by the doctor who delivered him, and then certified by a pristine DVD copy of the entirety of his birth, complete with proof that this DVD was produced in 1961.

Wait. There were no DVDs in 1961. Except in Africa, I bet.

Helpz! Helpz!

Hey, wait a second. Does this mean I will get to be first lady?

4 Baleful Regards:

Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This made my day.

Jaelithe said...


You would make a lovely first lady.

Nancy said...

This post made me laugh so hard I almost fell off the couch.

I agree with Jaelithe, you would be a lovely (and ass-kicking) first lady.

Dawn said...

Aw ladies - I love making you laugh.

Sadly Terrance really doesn't have an official birth certificate and it is one of those things which is a massive pain in the ass - but one we can't fix because no one has records.

Cripes - mine is filled out in my mothers handwriting. A friend of mine from England says she thinks hers was filed weeks and weeks after her birth - and she was like number 6 of 7 kids.

I watch those people on the news and just think - Really? I mean the President has MORE than my husband has, by a million miles. And yet, they are asking for certification that didn't even exist in 1961.

God lord - most of us Hearty Americans didn't even have a SSN until we were 16 and started working! That was 1986 for me!

And then I get to face my Canadian friends who watch the news and ask me questions about this little slice of joy being broadcast worldwide.

◄Design by Pocket