The problem of friends

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Its been a tough week at our house - and No, not just because we are all stuffy and overtired. Although that certainly hasn't helped.

No - most of the drama is about Emily and her "friends". Or who isn't her friend. Or who is, but shouldn't be...or who will be if she gives them XYZ, OR who she wishes would be her friend, but doesn't like her.

I remember this part of puberty, of growing up. And it frankly sucked. There is no starry eyed romanticism in my head about the years of my own puberty and the negotiation of what having and being a friend meant. While I, like most humans, was able to find a couple of real friends to connect with during this time of turmoil, it makes it no easier to watch my beloved sweet daughter go through the same awful process.

As Adults, we aren't generally very helpful. We have ridiculous sayings - "To HAVE a Friend - BE a FRIEND!" . To offer this and the other inane non-helpful, exclamation ridden pablum is to implicitly convey to our children that this is easier than we KNOW it to be. Added into this festering pit of human frailty is Hormones. And Body Changes. To my daughter, I suspect it feels like the world truly is conspiring to get her. I mean, I know how funky I can get with PMS, and I have a detailed and thorough knowledge about what is going on with me.

Most nights, I try to get in a little cuddle time with her. She is nearly has tall as me, so it isn't as easy to scoop her into my arms as when she was three. My intent, however, remains the same. To remind her that she is MY baby girl and that I will always be her friend - even when she is at her most unlikeable.

2 Baleful Regards:

louralann said...

I wished I'd had a mom like you when I was growing up.

A cuddle can sometimes make everything better...

Unknown said...

No matter how rocky the road of life gets for your daughter, having a mom that she knows she can go to no matter what and she will be loved and not be judged will mean the world to her. I've been in that scenario several times (we all need our mom at some point, no matter our age), and knowing there is that one person in this world that will be there for you and have your back means absolutely everything. Good job!

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