Shower Musings

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Number 1: You are not saving money by using this razor until it is scraping the skin off of your undershaved shin. 

Yes, I know that the winter in Montreal doesn't "inspire" bare legs, and I know that a small pack of razors here is as well protected as the Meth ingredients in American wal-marts...and at 15 bucks for a small pack, doesn't exactly inspire shaving wily nily But WOMAN! There is no reason to experience this level of hell to shave your legs.  Throw the damn thing OUT when you notice it is dull. Don't wait until you peel all the skin off your leg for the third time to make your move. The trash can is RIGHT next to the tub. 

Dos: Whoever keeps moving my toothpaste from the edge of the shower. STOP it. There is One kind of toothpaste I like...and I buy it in abundance.  I also provide a couple of other flavors for the other two people who live in this house.  I leave the toothpaste on the side of the sink I can reach because Yes, I like to brush my teeth in the shower.  Having to get out of the shower to walk across the bathroom to get the toothpaste is counter productive.  Besides, you have at least three other containers of tooth past from which to choose. Leave mine alone. 

Three: There is a bath mat on the floor for a reason. To absorb the water from your sopping wet bodies as you emerge from the shower. It is not meant to be stepped around, nor is it meant to be balled up and kicked to the side of the room, sopping wet.  Come On. If I crack my head open and have to be photographed dead, naked and covered in blood by some freaking Quebecois CSI team, I am haunting the SHIT out of both of you, forever. And this note is to YOU Emily Damali - If I tell you to put the new, freshly laundered bathmat down and I walk in afterwards and find it thrown in the middle of the floor, I will not be pleased. And Yes, I know it was you. See Issue 2. There are only three of us in the house, and I handed you the bathmat. 

We may all now resume our regularly scheduled lives as bedouin housecats.

1 Baleful Regards:

Petrat said...

I've started stealing Mitch's razors

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