This is the real reason I got married.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Terrance goes away for his business frequently. Usually, this is a "nice" break from each other. I clear my schedule and stay home with Em this week, for there is no camp and it is the last full week before school starts again. We are lazy and slow - no Daddy to rush us through our paces. Yesterday we stayed in pajamas until 3 p.m.!

All was cool until I got up out of bed to wash my face before REALLY going to bed.

In the middle of my floor. There it was. Staring at me.

A big, honking, black, evil looking spider.

I froze. This is Terrance's primary job as of late. Protecting his wife and daughter from the impending threat of these spiders attacking us and sucking out our souls. Oh, and all our blood too.

I looked around for something with which to battle this leviathan. My pretty brown crocodile heels? No way. No spider guts on my shoes. A tissue? Hardly enough layers between my skin and the spider skin to protect me. And this sucker is B-I-G. He will crunch when he meets his arachnid maker. And exude copious spider fluids. I consider waking up the cat to see if she will eat the spider, but then I will worry about cat spider breath on my bed.


Out in the hall, I spot it. Terrance's shoe. I can launch the shoe from a safe distance ONTO the spider and take it out with a minimum of Dawn to spider contact.

I stand in the door way and aim. The shoe sails and lands perfectly on target. The THUMP indicates a solid hit.

I wait. You know, to make sure the spider isn't lifting the shoe off of it and looking around to exact revenge on the person who threw the shoe. Nope.

I pick up the shoe and examine my defeated foe from a distance. Dang, That was a REALLY big spider. I hold it out in front of me and run to the bathroom, before the zombie spider can re-animate. I shake the shoe - vigorously - until the spider falls into the toilet.

I flush.

And I return Terrance's shoe to the place in the hallway.

He'll never notice the spider guts.

August 23, 2007 Gimlet Eye

2 Baleful Regards:

Amy Y. said...

Reminds me of the day my dad came home to find my sister and I screaming and scrambling on the bed. One of those spiders was above the door, preventing our escape. There was already a pile in the doorway of stuff we'd tried to throw and kill it with. My dad thought we were being murdered. We saw him approach the door and screamed in unison this time, thinking it would leap on him. Instead he walked in, grab the spider by one of it's disgusting legs and flushed it.
I was in college and my sister was in high school.
I have to admit, I checked that toilet out thoroughly for weeks after before I would sit on it.

Dawn said...

Yeah Amy...I have those moments too.

I am sure that some flushed arachnid is going to make a break for my tender exposed nether regions....

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