Still Numero Uno for all the internet's Shank/Shiv Info

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Its time, once again, for a peek into the minds of the populace - particularly how they end up here at Baleful. And, as always, it ain't pretty.

How to make a shank or How to make a shiv

These search terms remain strong. Who knew that by using these two words in the context of any post would drive any hood rat with the need for home made stabbing utensils here to my humble blog? However, and I stress this AGAIN. I am a white woman who grew up in Vermont. I have never been to prison. I have at no time shanked anyone with a shiv (unless you count Izzy and that bitch had it coming. How dare she be so tall and pretty.) I know that the pictures from BlogHer of Nancy, Tammy, Julie and I throwing gang signs are easy to mistake as some authentic prison be-yotches. I know the tat's on our arms look damn good, but they are rub on Mommyblogger tat's. Actually, now that I think about it...we could be a gang....Drive by's? Fuck that. We've gestated.

Best Meth Recipe on the Net or What a Meth User is doing searchers

Is it that easy to get a meth recipe? And who writes that their recipe for meth is the "best"? That is rather full of oneself, is it not? And frankly, potential meth cooks, I am not a fan of what you have done to my beloved Sudafed. I am a perpetual stuffy nose haver and your actions have caused the companies to use a suck ass formula which does NOT help my stuffy proboscis. I rather resent having to produce a blood, urine and stool sample to get some god damn Sudafed.

care for my husband in a diaper he has a fetish

Now, the hits I get for "shoe fetish" or "pointy shoe fetish"...I understand. But this one? I say either get comfortable or start moving towards divorce. But then again, what do I know?

Decorated Labia Pics

Decorated with WHAT? Piercings? Jewels? Jimmies?

Can a nurse teach me to massage husbands prostate

Sadly, I could help with this one, although I am not a nurse. My best advice, lube up and get in there. You'll find it. He'll let you know, I promise.

Is love real during a manic episode

Well, given my limited experience...I would say kind of. I think you can fall in love at any time. I think that love is an intense emotion. Having a manic episode intensifies everything times 76. But I don't think a manic episode makes you think you are in love if you aren't already.

How can I see into my future life

I suggest a Magic 8 ball.

best picture of holy crib made in 2005

Aside from my "disguise" as a naughty Mennonite, I have to say that I couldn't tell you what a Holy crib may be. Like as in MTV cribz? Or as in "Place to lay baby Jesus"? And honestly, aren't we talking "manger" here? The "crib" was akin to a feeding trough, if I interpreted the idea correctly. Seems a hard to screw up design. Hay, wood, wool blanket.

Sex talk video ( I get this one ALOT) and Sex screamer

No...and No. It is impossible to have a child who doesn't sleep in the house and be a screamer. Terrance is already jumpy enough without the added screaming from me.

All variations of Brazilian wax photos , how to prep from Brazilian , does Brazilian hurt

No, I am not posting photos. Take ibuprofen and Yes, but only the first time. Second time was a breeze. I'm not kidding. Piece of cake. Yellow cake.

and finally "I hate playmobil"

You, random visitor, have no soul. Why not just search for "ways to suck all the joy from childhood" or "I plan on telling every small child I meet that Santa isn't real"
Do rainbows and unicorns offend you as well? A pox upon you and your playmobil hating self.

Edited at 10:21 pm to add: HEY Person who googled "Can you drink GermX to get drunk"

The answer is NO. Do not drink Germx. Geesh - just go buy some Pabst, I think it may cost the same. Or some Thunderbird.

9 Baleful Regards:

Mignon said...

Oh whoopee. I'm first again. Today I got a search for "make my wife wear a diaper." Who are these diaper genies? Ha ha. I crack me up.

Mom101 said...

Ha, you have me laughing out loud at your description of best meth recipe. So true!

As for labia pictures, I like mine decorated with ribbons and shiny sequins. Glitter optional.

Oh wait...is it the picture that's decorated or the labia itself? Hm.

mama_tulip said...

Hoo boy, you get the good ones, don't you? Meth recipes? Playmobil haters? Diaper fetishes? Damn. Puts my "Do temporary veneers hurt?" to shame.

MrsFortune said...

I'm telling you, someone needs to start a website where all you do is answer these bizarre google questions. http://www.weirdassseearches.com

mothergoosemouse said...

I miss you. I want to throw gang symbols with you again. I have a couple good ones that I haven't shown anyone yet.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

No way. My meth recipe kicks the ass of your meth recipe. We won a blue ribbon at the Marin County Fair.

jen fromboston said...

after reading this, I'll never be able to look at jimmies the same way again.

Suebob said...

With me it is a lot of poop questions, or shaved crotch questions. My small slice of fame on the internet.

Nancy said...

Once again I am truly glad I don't have search enabled on my blog. Then again I am missing a wealth of entertainment potential.

Hey, I have another potential marketing opportunity based on these searches -- what about someone who can decorate the labia following a brazilian wax? There's gotta be a market for that.

 
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