The Neverending Phone Call

Monday, March 03, 2008

Actual Conversation between Dawn and Terrance.

Dawn is in Montreal with Emily ( where yet another #$@t^q&%$ snowstorm is occurring) and Terrance is in New York City where he is staying at the Hudson - a fabulously gorgeous hotel.


*Ring*Ring*Ring

Dawn: "Hi Hon."

Terrance: "Hey, hows everything there?"

Dawn: "Snowing. Same as always."

Terrance: "Whatcha doin'?"

Dawn: "Dishes and Laundry and feeding your child before she calls some higher power on me to report that she hasn't been served the gourmet meal she demands."

Terrance: "Oh. Ok. Anything you want me to pick up in the city?"

Dawn: "Yes. The lip balm. I want the Bigelow lip balm. Number 1129, no shine. I want at least four tubes of lip balm cause I am digging out the last of my tube with my fingernail and smearing it across my arid lips."

Terrance: "Ok Lip Balm. Got it. Talk to to you later."

Dawn: "K - love you - bye"

Four Minutes Later
*Ring*Ring*Ring

Dawn: " Yes Hon, what is it?"

Terrance: "Hey I am looking at a display of Burts Bees stuff. Do you want THEIR lip balm?"

Dawn: "No. I want Bigelow lip balm. But you can get me the coconut foot cream from Burts bees if you'd like. I noticed you used the last of my tube."

Terrance: "Ok, and I'm going to get you one of their lip balms too."

Dawn: "OK, But I still want the Bigelow lip balm. Number 1129, no shine. In the black tube."

Terrance: "K- Bye"

Three point seven minutes later
*Ring*Ring*Ring

Dawn: "Yes? What do you need?"

Terrance: "Hey, which DVD did Emily want again?"

Dawn: "The new one - The new Hannah Montana one."

Terrance: "Ok Bye"

Eight full minutes Pass

*Ring*Ring*Ring

Dawn: "Yes?"

Terrance: "So I am looking at the DVD's - which one is the new one?"

Dawn: "One in a Million , I think. Just look at the cover and see which one has "DVD 2008" in the corner. THATS the new one."

Terrance: "I don't see a date on the corner."

Dawn: "Terrance - there is a block on the right hand corner that says DVD release and the Year. It's as clear as day. It stands off to the side. Or just ask which is the newest one."

Terrance: " I don't see it anywhere - I'm looking right at it and the cover doesn't have a date anywhere."

Dawn: "That's impossible - LOOK AT THE CORNER."

Terrance: "I'm Looking at the corner and there is not a date ANYWHERE on this box. There is NO Dat....Oh. There it is DVD release 2008."

Dawn: "Thats the newest one then - OK?"

Terrance: "All right then..."

Would you believe that he called me AGAIN from the Bigelow store to
1. Ask what kind of lip balm I wanted
2. Complain about how much the lip balm I wanted cost
3. Confirm that he had purchased not the requested 4 tubes, but only three because he felt that it was too much to pay for lip balm and besides, he had gotten me a Burts Bee lip balm, so I had 4 in total.

Is it any wonder that I take medication?

13 Baleful Regards:

Becki said...

Do you think it's possible that Terrance lives an alternate life, as a bald, bespectacled white engineer in the Midwest?

Why do I ask? Oh, no reason...

madge said...

This is the kind of shit that make me doubt how much of Tugboat's shenanigans are brain injury-related and how much are just plain "guy."

Grrrr.

Marie said...

I'm just giggling because he called you up, what? five times? long distance to ask about this and that. Me, I write all that stuff down, but the guys just don't wanna do it.

Mitzi Green said...

can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. the end.

Anonymous said...

That is hilarious! And I feel your pain: My husband does this to me whenever he goes to the market - I get about six calls as he wanders, like a lost demented sheep, from aisle to aisle.

Anonymous said...

I laughed SO hard (hope you don't mind.) That was great. You're amazing!

lildb said...

yes. yes, I would believe that.

I'm going so far, in fact, as to ACTUALLY believe it.

you are not the only one downing the happy pills, sweet darlin'.

xoxoxo

gurukarm said...

"Is it any wonder that I take medication?" - you and every other attached woman in the universe, Dawn! :-)

Lisa said...

Oh yeah, I believe this. (Sigh) Most definitely.

Doesn't it make you want to scream, "WHAT?!? DO YOU HAVE SHIT IN YOUR EARS OR SOMETHING? I MEAN, REALLY? DO YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF AUDITORY PROCESSING ISSUE IN ADDITION TO BEING CHEAP OR WHAT?!?

Lisa said...

Ok. SOrry for all of the yelling. Just that I went through that um, today. I am in serious need of some happy pills.

La said...

LOL! Aww. He's such a guy. Bless his poor, poor, simple heart.

Jaelithe said...

Wow. I need to give my husband a hug when he gets home.

The other day while I was at a bloggers get-together, he went to the Target down in the city just to get my favorite kind of Burt's Bees face lotion because they have stopped carrying it at my local store. He did this without my knowledge, just to surprise me. And he got TWO jars. It was the only thing he got at the store.

I didn't even stop to realize what a miraculous event this was. I mean, really. He was quite Terrance-like in his cosmetics shopping abilities when I first met him. How far my man has come!

(Sorry ladies. He's mine. I've paid for the training.)

omnia_vincit_amor said...

I fail to see the problem here-- it's a guy thing, I think, the inability to remember anything except the instinct to KILL...

I think it's actually kind of sweet that he called you long distance while he was away-- he got you 3 tubes of your lip balm! That's more than he wanted to get you, I'm sure...

He missed you. That's why he called you so much. Well, that and the fact that he apparently can't go shopping on his own-- but that's a guy thing.

Enjoy your balm! :)

 
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