Murder in Ikea

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Busy here - things all right - working my ass off trying to make enough money to send my kid to summer sleep away camp. I mean I GOT priorities and all. One of my classics, I think.

"What do you think of this couch?"
"Don't like it"

"How about these chairs?"
"Yeah, hate them."

"And this? How does this strike you?"
"You seriously like this piece of shit? It's hideous."

"I kind of like this couch - it seems comfy to read on."
"That couch is awful. Who would want a couch like that in their house?"

"Here, try this chair. I like this one."
"It's the SAME chair you hated five minutes ago, just in a different color."

"Listen. I am 36 years old. I deserve to have real furniture. I do not want leather couches. I am sit of living on futons, mother fucker. I am not afraid to cut you."

"Did you just say that when you divorce me I can choose my own furniture?
It is O-N mutha-fucka...."

All right, so this may have been slightly more dramatized than the real event....but it was how it went in my mind. I think Ikea should have a lawyer on the way out, so you can draw up the divorce papers. Big ups to the Playmobil Playahs

13 Baleful Regards:

Debbie said...

that is one *gleaming* damn knife.

ikea has ZERO comprehension of the big push you're giving them, here, huh. you should totally contact them so you can be appropriately compensated, D.

Anonymous said...

Tears! T and I are laughing so hard we are crying!!!

(Also, we may or may not have had a similar throw-down in lighting department.)

Gina said...

Hilarious! And familiar - although mine would be called "Murder in Home Depot"

Anonymous said...

So this is a random question, not at all related to this f#cking hilarious post. How exactly did you manage to take a picture of your ankles and why did you decide that it is the perfect picture to represent you to the blogosphere?

Dawn said...

Juliegrrl - I think I simply held the camera towards my shoes and snapped a couple of pictures. These were my "birthday" shoes from last year - I felt sexy and hot in the shoes - even when my winter gut doesn't feel so sexy and hot ( which is often the case in April)

Why did I think it was a good picture to represent me to the Blogosphere? I don't know. I think it just seemed an intrinsically perfect Dawn picture.

My favorite pictures are always a little different - odd angles, things in juxtaposition...Playmobil murders....

Anonymous said...

I read this at work today and I thought I was going to DIE laughing. Damn, damn funny. I am always amazed too that you always have those Playmobil weapons on hand. (Though I guess I should not be surprised...) ;-)

Lisa said...

I remember this post from awhile back. (Wow. I've been reading you awhile.) It was awesome then and its still pretty freaking great now.

Mitzi Green said...

this is one of my all-time favorite dawn classics. thanks for bringing it back.

Monie said...


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Is it wrong that I love you for threatening to cut your husband?

Well, that and dramatizing a trip to Ikea with lego people.

Sahar said...

OMG, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. SO TRUE!!!!

Anonymous said...

I have always told the friends and relatives that if Hubby and I end up divorcing, it's because we went shopping together one too many times or did a few too many home improvement projects...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh - I needed it.

◄Design by Pocket