Monday, October 25, 2010

Dear Twitter,

I wish I could feel more - well, warm and fuzzy-like about you. I tried, I honestly did. I tried to make it a habit to go on once a day and "tweet" something. I know all the "big" bloggers also have crazy twitter followings and we should all be "tweeting" everything, all the time.

I also saw too many bloggers with Blackberry devices in hand at Blogher, staring glassy eyed into the screen as they made half assed conversation and scrolled frantically down screens to keep up with god knows what in the "Twitter-verse".

Of course, my long standing dislike of the Phone means that I don't like my phone, much less want to stare at it to get information.  Terrance and I fight about my habitual inability to Charge my phone, much less turn it on.
Give me an Aldus Lamp - Now THAT takes some skill.

My room in hell will require me to talk to people all day on the phone and use a tiny phone keyboard to send messages about my activities, every 10 minutes.

I thought "Maybe I just need to DO it, and then I will like it".

You aren't the first thing in my life with which I have used this approach.

Some examples:

Step Aerobics: I tried, really I did. I bought a step, and fancy step Reebok shoes and some exercise tights - but for the life of me, I never enjoyed this. My normal state of coordination is that of a drunken toddler, so the addition of complicated moves was a nightmare.  I had a similar experience when I tried running. Let's just say that there isn't a sports bra strong enough to eliminate the horrific bounce-back. I am not kidding when I have said that if you see me running, you'd better haul ass since something real bad is right behind me.

Nirvana: Although I graduated from College in 1992, I never understood any of this. Not Pearl Jam. Not Nirvana, None of it. I later tried to listen to some Nirvana and "appreciate" it.  Um, Nope.

Lima Beans: After a serious childhood adversarial relationship with the bean, I tried again in adulthood. An Adult gagging on a lima bean is just not cool.

Scrapbooking: Again, I think I thought that if I produced works of art dedicated to my child that my mothering sins would be forgiven. Or at least I could fool a majority of people by seeming to be uber dedicated to Child. In hindsight, I think my friends should have taken this little "hobby" as a serious cry for help.

Jelly Shoes: Hard Plastic on my feet? Yes, Please! Only to be followed by Granny boots.

So, Twitter - I've tried you.  I felt like I was standing in a party where everyone was talking - too loudly - but not listening to anyone else in a manic attempt to be the center of attention. I don't need to be ignored - I have two rabbits, one cat, a daughter and a husband who do that just fine, right here live and in person.

So, I've made room for you on my shelf, in the basement - next to the Step, the nirvana mp3's, a can of Lima Beans, and all the scrapbooking shit. But hands off the Granny boots. They just might make a come back.

5 Baleful Regards:

Gurukarm (@karma_musings) said...

Indeed. Right there with you, Dawn. In fact, I just wrote about this as well - - altho, you put it SO well ("I don't need to be ignored...") :-)


Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

Yes! Twitter is too damned noisy. I have maybe 2 people on Twitter who listen to me. Otherwise, I use it to feed my Facebook status, where I get most of my responses.

Baglady said...

I disagree on the twitter but I love your blog post anyway :)

MOCK! said...

I was hooked on Twitter and VERY anti-Facebook for so long. Once I made the switch, I think I was much happier in the realm of social networking..

Your comment about being ignored seems to be backed up by a stat I read that says 72% of all Tweets are essentially "ignored".

Dawn said...

I have to laugh - I wrote this and then went to a conference where I may have been one of the only people to have sworn off twitter. In fact, when people asked me my twitter handle and I replied "I don't tweet" you would have thought I said "I like to eat the brains of newborn kittens".

Faces of shock and horror.

But I am still entirely comfy with my no-tweeting decision....

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