Parents who pick their children up from school fall into two distinct categories.
SERIOUS assholes and those of us who have to suffer at the hands of the aforementioned serious assholes with their unmitigated assholery.
Today, in the midst of a massive snowstorm, Terrance (and the school buses) had to wait 20 minutes while a mother who had double parked her van took her time meandering out of the school with her precious, precious progeny.
Seeing as this child has the ability to:
1. Walk of their own volition.
2. Talk and communicate with other human beings
3. Dress themselves
There is no earthly reason why this child needs to be escorted from school TO car by the parent. Now, perhaps this child, unbeknownst by me, has an alarming tendency to chew on other peoples faces ala Hannibal Lector if left unescorted by an adult. Perhaps this child is the next incarnation of the Dalai Lama, and this has not yet been announced. I do not know all of the facts.
I would, of course, of course argue that if the child is either THAT dangerous or THAT important that Public School is Not the place for them.
If you are picking up your child from school, there are two options. Park in a legal, designated parking spot. I do not care if this spot is deemed by you to be "inconvenient", or "too far away". I do not care if you have a well documented by psychiatric professionals fear of "walking". I DO NOT CARE. Casts on both legs? I DON'T CARE.
DO NOT PARK YOUR CAR AND WALK AWAY.
It is true that I, in past incidences, have called other parents stupid fucking bitches as well as threatened to beat their asses if they didn't move their fucking Escalade right fucking now. It is true that the other parent in question avoided eye contact with me for two years after that incident even though her child as in the same class of my child.
The only acceptable other option in my book is if you and you child have perfected the art of the "drive by pick up". This is a skill that Emily and I have down to a science. She knows I will not stop my car for more than about four heartbeats. When she and I have made eye contact, I pull up, she whips the door open and throws her backpack in, jumps in and Buckles up while closing the door.
She is not to continue to talk to her friends with an open door. She is not to fool around. Get In the Car and we are gone. I, for my part, am not trying to chit chat with other parents from an open window. I have a phone. I have email. If I want to arrange dinner/car pool with you, I can do it at other times by other means.
Your Kid is not the only Child in this school and You are not the only parent who is trying to pick their child up at this Time of Day. Lets keep Assholery to a bare minimum, shall we?