Forty One

Friday, April 29, 2011

Today I am 41.

I don't color my hair. All my body parts are unaltered.

When the wind blows, like it did today, and my hair is down, like it is today, you can see the grey hair sprinkled through  the brown.

My skin isn't as tight as it once was, and I am more diligent about sunscreen and putting lotion on every day. 
But the freckles that are the result of my years in the sun will never fade.

There are lines around my eyes. I have never minded them. They are from laughing, mostly.  The stretch marks on my breasts and belly? From creating and delivering a child.

I have lost some weight over the past year....but not because of vanity. My blood sugar, you know. I have to think about that now, and I really like my I can't eat many carbs.

This last year has been hard. Terribly hard and I wonder sometimes if you can see it on my face, read it in my body. The body I left a year ago and return to now, its prodigal daughter.

The loss of my dreams. 
I have been abused and neglected. I have been lied to and abandoned. I have been humbled and overwhelmed with  41 years of sadness. I have seen things I believed in with all of my soul shown to be false prophecy.

As I head into my second half of life, I am battered and bruised.  Yet, I still stand.
Sore, Yes. Weary, Yes and even reluctant. But I stand. If not for myself, than always for my daughter.

Maybe this year is the year I learn to love myself.

9 Baleful Regards:

Karen Bodkin said...

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would.
Happy Birthday Beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, my beautiful friend.

Bobbie Sue

kate said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

Happy birthday, Dawn!

Hopefully, you will see this year what the rest of us already see. Yes, the beauty.


Jenny K said...

Happy birthday from a loyal, but mostly silent, reader. You look fantastic!

J0E said...

Happy Birthday!

amira said...

A very happy birthday to you Dawn! You look great! :)

Jess said...

It's such a good time to have a birthday!!!

You're lovely, Dawn! Happy Birthday!

MarciaAnn said...

Happy Birthday Dawn - your words and feelings resonnate with my being ... I too hope this is your year, I've long awaited mine

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