Thursday, September 08, 2011

"You need to have a plan", she said.

A plan.

I've spent my whole life making plans. Plans about plans. Plans about plans if the other plans fall through, or don't go exactly as planned. My mind  instinctively maps out plans, sub-plans and the alternate route flow charts should all else fail. Because I know it will. And so I plan.

In this almost-done-space, I feel the restlessness of an overdue pregnancy. I am Heavy. I am Bloated and Cumbersome. I am willing to put up with any amount of finite pain to just be past this.

The PhD is coming to a close and while I should feel gratitude or relief or even joy, I feel none of those things.

So I trudge on, throwing everything into a panier to place on my back and search again for a new home, a new nest to grow a new Dawn.

"A plan", she said. "Make a plan."

1 Baleful Regards:

Dr. Brainiac said...

Ohhhh honey, I feel your pain. It was just 4 years ago that I was in that "not quite done but so over it all" space. Here's wishing you a speedy denouement & a hearty welcome to the club.

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