Wistful

Monday, November 19, 2012

I've mentioned that I really like my job, haven't I? I do. I like teaching and I like the students. I like poking at their brains and hopefully making them think beyond what they know now or what they might assume.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The students are kind and respectful. If I have failed them - as I surely have on some days - they seem to forgive me. Emily visited one class and told me that I am goofy even as a Professor. Utterly NOT shocking, that news.

We are heading for Thanksgiving break and I am glad. I need the break, even the two day break. There is reading to do and lessons to plan. While I am teaching the same three course next term, there are tweaks to make and readings to change. I scan, I make lists, I try to respond to emails promptly.

I tell them that I scaffold.

Inside of me, the mist still remains. In the few quiet times, my tendency towards melancholy returns. I struggle with this part of my being.

I understand with pinpoint precision why I allow work to overtake my life. In work I am engaged. A busy brain means no room for the other parts, the doubts and the sadness.

I wait for that part of me to fade, to return to some hibernation so I can live inside the pleasure of my work, my vocation. 

2 Baleful Regards:

Rebeka St John said...

I can relate to this in a huge way. I am currently seeking a new job that is not from my laptop at home. I find that I think too much being here and want something more fulfilling and that gears toward my future degree/career change. You hit the nail on the head! I admire that thinking!

Great writing!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

"Poking their brains" cool! I am reading an amazing book right now called "One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are" by Ann Voskamp. She too had dark places in her life and took a challenge to become grateful for the small things. What came out of that has completely changed her life and her book chronicles the process. I love this book so much on so many levels. First of all, it is SO VERY WELL WRITTEN. It is almost poetry in places!! Anyhoooo, I liked your post, and it made me think of the book. You might like it too. :)
Rosemary

 
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