Friday, August 26, 2005

My descent into the world of the "not typical" child came early. At birth, Emily literally held her head and looked around. Everyone in the room sort of looked stunned, and she paused and then started screaming. I am not sure what we expected. I had a complicated gestational diabetic pregnancy with heavy insulin dependence and had not gained a pound of weight. I was induced after several days of start and stop labor and at midnight, the midwife looked me over and said : Quote "Get some sleep, you aren't going to do a thing tonight." And gave me some kind of morphine shot that knocked me out.

When I woke up at 3:45 a.m. I recall thinking "They didn't give me enough drugs. The bastards!"
Next thought: "Boy, I have GOT to pee"
I get up - SLOWLY and move towards the bathroom and sit on the toilet. I notice some blood on the floor which, while I have assume has come from me - doesn't really connect. I pull the "Nurse" cord, as the whole blood thing has me vaguely concerned. I am a bit stunned to see THREE nurses crowded into my bathroom looking at me intensely.
"I think I'm bleeding" I say - as foggy and morphined up as ever.
Nurse1 : "Do you feel like you have to push?"
Dawn: "What?"
Nurse 1: "Do you feel like you have to push?"
Dawn: P-A-U-S-E ."Ummmm, Yeah, I think I do"
Six arms reach down and YANK me off the toilet and hustle my bloody ass back into bed. I get back into the bed. The light is revealing the extent to which I was bleeding.
Nurse2: "She's ten centimeters - wake the midwife!!"

My husbands perspective: Dawn is sound asleep on bed, knocked out by morphine. Dawn lurches up like the dead rising and stumbles to the bathroom ? a humongous trail of blood and gunk trailing behind her. He begins to ask "Honey are you OK?" No response. "Honey are you all right in there?" Three nurses haul ass into the room and run for the bathroom. They drag his bloody dopey wife out of the bathroom and start turning on every light in the place, calling people, bringing in machines and Spot lights from hell.

In less than 15 minutes, our daughter is emerging. We are parents. My child , after checking out her surrounding s and then screaming, attacks my breast with a vengeance.. The nurse looks down and says "Other babies could take lessons from her"

Sadly, this is going to be my future 18 months. My daughter screaming --- then attacking my breast. Emily nurses constantly. CONSTANTLY. I finally break down and buy binkies, to which I am professionally opposed. I do not care. My aching boobs can not take this abuse. At my 6 week check up, the midwife says "Oh look I think she is hungry"
I snap -"HOW could she be hungry??? She ate less than 15 minutes ago and nursed for 20 minutes ON EACH BREAST!!!!"

My daughter, despite constant nursing,doesn't gain weight. She is born at 6 pds 12 oz. At her first birthday, she is 13 pounds. She is diagnosed as failure to thrive. I am diagnosed as a piss poor mother, with crappy milk that starves my baby.

Tomorrow part two....

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