And this round goes to....

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Terrance and the (still un-named) cat have a real love/hate thing going on. While this also happened with Keillor, this cat has notched it up to a new level of personal cat/human warfare.

She LOVES Terrance. She has been known to follow him around looking at him adoringly. She perches under his chair and waits for him to acknowledge her. If she were a human, I would have to have a talk about "Women who love men who ignore them and why that drives us to love them more" (a topic which I ,sadly, have more experience than I care to admit)

He, of course, resolutely ignores her. 100%

Terrance went to New York last week. This signaled to our cat that her Man had left her. Not even a scratch under the chin and a "Here's looking at you kid". Dumped. Deserted. Au reviour.

She, like every self respecting young woman, got PISSED.

Since she couldn't blow his cell phone up with text messages (or act like a crazy woman via emails), she did the only thing she could.

She peed on his stuff. Specifically..His noise canceling headphones. And the futon where he sleeps most night.

All right, I was willing to accept this as an accident. Did we lock her in the house all day without a way to escape? Perhaps.

It was last night, however, that it occurred to me that the battle lines have been drawn.

It was after midnight. Emily had just evicted her father from the bed.

The scream from the other room was piercing.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! GOD DAMN IT! MOTHER FUCKER!"

I didn't even flinch. "What is the problem", I said from the bedroom.

"The god damn cat peed on the futon again...AND MY PILLOW"

Now, truth be told...I laughed a little, but only on the inside. Terrance gets...how does one explain the full extent of Terrance's "issue" with smells and germs? So now, of course, he smells cat piss EVERYWHERE. He runs in and out of the bed room shoving things under my nose to smell. It's midnight! I do not want to sniff things to detect cat piss.

But come on. His Feather Pillow? That is HARSH. She is fucking with him.

This round goes to the cat...



Ignore me at your peril, motherfucker! Vlad and I have plans...

13 Baleful Regards:

Mrs. Schmitty said...

I have to say, I laughed too, but he can't hear me. Sorry, but that's very funny. And yes, the cat is f*ing with him. :)

mothergoosemouse said...

It's been nearly four years since Kyle's beloved spraying cat expired, and I still don't think cat piss is funny.

Dawn, I love you - but this time I side with Terrance.

Andrea said...

I rue the day I ever piss my cat off enough to have my stuff pissed on. RUE!

Hopefully Terrance can somehow appease her before she boils his bunny.

Woman with kids said...

Wow, a woman scorned and all that.

Nice kitty kitty...

Lisa said...

Female cats seem to really love the human males in a house. And cat pee smells SO BAD.

Sorry Terrance, but when I heard the cat peed all over your pillow I laughed. Out loud. Really hard.

Sorry. I feel for you. But that is pretty funny. Probably cause its not happening to me.

Meghan said...

Your cat sounds like one evil bitch! I love her already.

Terrance should know better.

Cat: "I won't be IGNORED Terrance..."

SaraJo said...

I think we might have your cat's twin sister. This summer we came home from a three-day camping trip to find cat pee on the floor by the door and in a heat vent. That's right, she peed in a heat vent. Luckily for us (and her) it happens to be a vent that isn't attached to the furnace. I scrubbed it and used tons of odor-eliminating products and then sealed it off with builder's plastic. So far it seems to have worked. Unfortunately, she has now peed twice in the bathroom. The only reason she's still around is our 3 year-old daughter's intervention. Lucky kitty...

velocibadgergirl said...

Oooh, she's pretty! And scary. So scary.

Leesha said...

There are some things in life you just don't do, and one of them is mess with a cat.

For some reason, if Jack pees anywhere, it is usually in the shower. That is the only way i know he is sick.

domesticzen said...

I know this cat - I HAVE this cat

DH travels and we have a very strict protocol for suitcases, pillows and so forth!

Mitzi Green said...

like i always say--

when the cat gets pissed off,
the stuff gets pissed on.

Nancy said...

For the love of all that is holy, Dawn -- do NOT let your cat read Feral Mom's web site. Obviously it is giving her major ideas. Password protect if you must!

moofo said...

Well, in french we say "Au Revoir"

That's my only rant...

(And what it is with english people and french idioms ? Do they feel more snotty when they say them ?)

 
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