Dear White Actresses of the world:

Sunday, January 07, 2007

I want to personally thank you for your refreshing choice of a movie role as White, Upstanding, Female Ingenue

Where would the poor black and latino children be without you? I mean - honestly. Had they not seen your perfect giant teeth and size 2 body clad in designer clothing, they would be forever doomed to their careers as future pimps/drug dealers/thugs/rioters and crack whores.

You have inspired me to run down into an unsavory part of town and start colonizing..um, I mean "re-educating" them. Them being the non-whites, of course.

Perhaps you can bring them Jesus Christ as their personal savior in your next movie.

Maybe you can BE Jesus Christ in your next movie. I bet Mel would love to direct.

And Oh, I love this passion of a million suns. Why Yes, I DO love Coolio! :

 

12 Baleful Regards:

Jess said...

Oh, yes. Thank you.

TB said...

Gah, more emotionally manipulative Oscar fodder. And hasn't this premise been DONE to death?

Fraulein N said...

Didn't I SEE this damn movie already? Yes, yes I'm pretty sure I did. Many, many times. I don't care if it is based on a true story. Just stop. Please stop making this movie, Hollywood. Thanks bunches.

Diana said...

Yes, I believe that Michele Pfeifer played this one to death in...what was it called? Gangster's Paradise? no...that was the song...well, I agree it's been beaten with a stick.

Mitzi Green said...

i'd be happy just to see a movie that HASN'T ALREADY BEEN MADE. are there no writers with new ideas in hollywood anymore? have we done it all, seen it all, thought it all? is this why "saturday night live" is no longer funny?

Waya said...

This is so overdone, remember Michelle Pfeifer's similar movie? I guess Hollywood is running out of movie theme to produce.

wordgirl said...

I haven't seen it yet. Guess I won't.

Dee said...

haha! My coworkers and I (we teach middle school) are calling this movie: "Dangerous Minds: Part IV"

You captured our exasperation with this movie premise perfectly.

Mignon said...

I was kind of hoping that there was a kind of Crying Game grande finale, wherein Hilary, of the Boys Don't Cry quality actress fame, not 90210 fame, made a move on the dance teacher and everyone found out she had cocknballs. So you're tellin me that didn't happen?

kim said...

Oh my God thank you. I thought I was just being bitchy.

Meghan said...

Did you say she has perfect teeth? Perhaps for a horse.

My apologies to all others afflicted with horse teeth (cough, Julia Roberts).

I looked at the trailer for this film and was grossed out. I think they did this movie about 9 times in the late 1980's. Michelle Pfeiffer was in one of them.

mrsfortune said...

As a REAL teacher I cannot BEGIN to tell you how MUCH.I.HATE.ALL.THESE.FREAKING.MOVIES.

Dead Poets Society. Blackboard Jungle. Mr. Holland's Opus. Dangerous Minds. ETC. ETC. Ad fucking infinitum. Can't Vlad do a a post about these? I swear to god Dawn, you hit it right on the head.

 
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