It's still no "Tommy" - Shit, it's barely "Suessical"...

Friday, January 12, 2007

Why hello errant wannabe meth cooks! Surprised to be here? I'm surprised to have you, but since I do, I might as well entertain. I am, if nothing else, aiming to please.
Here is a very old post. However, I feel it continues to stand the test of time. In fact, I may add a few new ditties to the mix. And decorated labia or brazilian wax photos people? Still have nothing for you. Can I suggest a hobby?

P.S. People who love me, and not my non-existent meth recipe. Strep Throat. Feeling MUCH better with antibiotics. Practically Chirpy.


I have been contemplating what my life would like as a Musical Opera, in the style of the great Rock Opera’s of past.

I would like to propose some song titles that would encompass my experiences throughout the day:

Side 1:

In Praise of Prozac, or how I get up in the morning
Where have all the run-free pantyhose gone?
Kidz Bop is the Devil’s music
Seriously Dude, you need to calm down before you have a stroke (A duet with my husband)
Emily, stop dancing around naked and get ready for school.
(This is a three-parter with the above Duet with my husband)

I have reached heaven, and its name is Dunkin Donuts
Guy in the F150 pickup, do not cut me off, for your job can not be all that great that you need to get there this fast, I see that you are in landscaping and like Nascar.

No small talk in the elevator (leave me alone) - a doo-wop number
What fresh hell is this? (the reading of the email)
Which morphs into the plaintive solo:
Are people really this stupid? (The Idiot Song)

Side 2:

Hey, Gas is 2.29! Fill ‘er up!
What do you want for dinner? (The Cell phone song)
Mommy has wine breath, but she still reads to me every night (sung by Emily)
Go to sleep, child, go to SLEEP!
If Mommy and Daddy don’t have sex soon, we will get divorced and it will be all your fault.

Bonus tracks:

I mock you, yes I do. (The Superiority song)
You can never have too many shoes – unless they are from Payless.
F is for Fuck
Suck it, Uber-Mom’s

Bonus Tracks for 2007:

The scarf song (holy shit, my ears are cold)
Par-lay vous English?
Adoption isn't what I'd hoped (sung by the cat)
Goin' to the Clinic ( and I'm gonna wait 3 hours)

and Terrance's aria:
"Things is Canada cost alot more than I thought"

Feel free to add your own.

11 Baleful Regards:

V said...

I'm glad you're feeling better. No sick for you.

Anonymous said...

So, I was browsing through my RSS feed reader earlier, and went to One Good Thing. When I saw the title of today's post, I thought I had clicked on I am Doing the best I Can instead.

Anonymous said...

I also enjoy C is for Cocksucker, although it's a little more mellow and doesn't have as much bass.

Fraulein N said...

"Guy in the F150 pickup, do not cut me off, for your job can not be all that great that you need to get there this fast, I see that you are in landscaping and like Nascar."

That's gotta be my all-time fave. I sing it in the car, natch.

Lisa said...

So happy you are feeling better. I would PAY to hear the lyrics of those songs... And can relate to the "Stop dancing around naked and get dressed son" as well as the "Go to bed because if your daddy and I don't have sex soon, we'll get divorced." heehee

Mom101 said...

I would spend a while telling you how wonderful this is, but I'm paying per hour for the internet at a cafe right now, since I burnt up my laptop in the meth lab last night. More later.

E. said...

This is hilarious. (And it's new to me, so thanks for the rerun...)

Anonymous said...

Hey, I remember the original posting of that soundtrack.

Happy New Year! Miss you.

Meghan said...

I want ALL your albums!!

If you want some help with lyrics, I have a strange talent for making up impromptu songs that actually rhyme. That's going to get me far in life.....

Anonymous said...

I can relate to the 'People are Stupid' ditty....
More alphabet help:
M is for MotherFucker
S is for Son of a Bitch

Let us know when the bootleg CD comes know we'll want one.

Anonymous said...

Yes. Yes. Sign me up for 10 or 15 copies to pass out at playgroups. Oh, wait. I don't go to playgroups anymore. One then.

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