Friday Fun....with La Chatte

Friday, June 29, 2007

Oh, I see you there, laying on the bed with that damn camera, waiting for me to look at you.

Let's get something straight. You shave me in February. FEBRUARY IN MONTREAL! What the fuck is wrong with you? Who shaves a cat in FEBRUARY in freaking Montreal?

My fur FINALLY starts to grow back and I look like a deranged rat for two months. Do you know what the other cats say to me? Do you hear the birds mocking me? It is bad enough that I have a stump tail. Oh, Never mind, you silly whore.

Then, with half a fur coat in place, the heat SOARS to 33 C in Montreal. I am left trying to spread my now no longer naked ass as long as possible to try to cool off.
Not that this is any concern of yours, since you routinely mess with me as I try to sleep. Why did you think I would enjoy a fan being directed at me? I ask again, What the fuck is wrong with you?

You know where the irony really kicks in? You adopted me about a year ago. I have now suckered you into buying the organic cat food with the "human quality" ingredients...most of which I refuse to eat. I continue to piss on the stuff of the man, to whom I show my devotion by leaving my love juices on his prized possessions. Yeah, I hear him sputtering about this being the "last time" but I have him by the balls. He will never get rid of me as long as that kid is around...and by my count, she has at least ten more years here - so I am golden.

I'm watching you, bitch. Don't leave any of your beloved shoes on the ground, cause I got something special planned for them. Then we'll see who is funny.

9 Baleful Regards:

Anonymous said...

um. it should be "lying" here, not "laying".

Anonymous said...

Hey Anon?

where do you live? I'm coming over to piss on your shit, you bastard.

Don't fuck with La Chatte.

velocibadgergirl said...

I love your cat.

It's a good thing my cat is fixed, because if he and she ever had little babies together, the world would face a diabolical, conniving evil as yet unseen on this earth.

Anonymous said...

i love you dawn - I swear - you fucking crack me up.

Anonymous said...

Hey Dawn...have you ever tickled La Chatte between the toes with the eraser end of a pencil?

Now THAT is the way to piss off a cat!! Good Times!

Mitzi Green said...

the pissed off shaved cat is BACK.

i'm skeered.

Anonymous said...

I so totally laugh out loud at your posts that I have to make sure I only read alone so as not to be embarrassed.

Somehow you seem to capture the cat perfectly.

And I just caught up on a few back posts--- the rabbitt one is one of my nightmares. I now keep mine locked up in a box on a high shelf. Not good for spontanaeity, but safe. For now.

Jess Riley said...

Beautiful kitty! The other night I was walking Daisy and noticed a little furry face peering at me from an eye-level cavity in a giant old tree. There was a wee gray kitty in the tree! Apparently, his mom decided that was a good place to have her babies. He was pretty afraid & crawled into the back of the hole when I tried to coax him out.

(Laughed out loud at your last post.)

Anonymous said...

La Chatte deserves a book deal

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