My baby is a serial killer

Friday, July 06, 2007

A Blog Called Malice!

Haha. See what I did there? Used the last post title and changed it a smidge?

Sorry. I need to make the little jokes.

I started this post as an email to the DSS group. I still may send it out to them, I haven't yet decided.

It's True Wife.

I am conflicted.

It is as if My baby has grown into something I don't like anymore. However, like all the best co-dependent relationships - I still NEED it. It is - somewhat sadly - how I am making a majority of my income right now.

And it is about to go onto Lifetime's web site. Excerpts only, but with links back.

So - the other day, a confession comes in regarding another confession. In it, there is an implication that I made negative comments about the poster. Then it called the site ugly.

So first, I got mad - cause that is what I do. I mean, I assure you - if I wanted to talk trash, I would do it. How dare this person insinuate that I was bashing her. ME!?! Hah! I am the least bashy person ev-ah. Unless you are taking too long at the ATM. And even then, I temper it with humor. I mean, it's MY issue, really.

And then I realized that Yes. The site is ugly - sometimes. But it is also beautiful, sometimes. I mean, a few confessions ago there was one about a woman who was diagnosed with Herpes while pregnant and she was very angry with her husband - accusing him of cheating.

The comments that came in were the essence of what I love about TWC. It was a virtual hand hold. A "Yes, this may be true, but there are lots of other things to consider..." and sharing of personal information and stories. No one absolved him of the possibility that he had given her this virus, but at the same time there was compassion and information and humanity shared.

THAT is what I have always loved about TWC. That is why I have refused to censor the confessions, even if I find something personally sketchy. I mean, who am I - really? Just a chick writing on the internet. I have ideas. I sometimes follow through on those ideas. I sometimes hate my life. I sometimes love my life. I have had enough life experience to know that things aren't always what they seem and that the most damage I have done to myself was during times when I was pretending to be something, someone that I am not.

And now? I feel like one of my kids has become the John Wayne Gacy of blogs. Ugly. And I don't like it.

And I don't know what to do.

19 Baleful Regards:

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Stick it out. The money is good and allows you to do what you want.

YOU know you have good intentions.

Ignore the trolls.

Her Bad Mother said...

What Sarah said. Stick it out. I get weirdness in the Basement, too, but I really try to let it roll past.

Unless it begins to really weigh on you. Don't let anything drag you down.

xo

Fraulein N said...

As long as you know why you're doing it, I think you should stick with it too. And so what if money is one of your reasons.

Nancy said...

Just look what a trailblazer you have been. Yours was the first "True Confessions" blog, after all.

It definitely isn't all wine and roses, but it serves a very real need to the people confessing. And you know -- it probably serves a real need to the trolls as well. Better they pick on someone in the anonymity of the internet (because they're too cowardly to leave their real names, of course) than to someone in real life.

(In theory, at least. I hate trolls too.)

I think the site FAQ explains it all. You provide the forum, and it's up to other people what to do with it. You should continue to profit from your geniousosity.

:-)

mothergoosemouse said...

I think that's inevitable when the content comes from outside. This isn't what you're personally writing - it's what others send to you. So you have to exercise control with great caution, lest you destroy what made the site great in the first place. But the hands-off approach has the unfortunate side effect of criticism that feels like it's leveled at you (whether it is or not) - because it's your baby.

I think you're handling it perfectly. Keep it up.

Jessica said...

I hope that you don't end up shutting it down, although it has gotten a bit ass-hatty from the last couple of posts... Maybe not having comments on it would be a way to temper it for a bit. I know I check it every day on the off chance that something new is up...

Ash said...

TWC is an amazing contribution to the blogosphere, don't let what one woman said make you regret or take it down.

-AC

Bobita~ said...

True Wife, like life itself, will have its moments of beauty and humanity...as well as moments of darkness. But, you MUST rest assured, the moments of beauty, usefulness, necessity and humanity will FAR outweigh the dark times.

You, Dawn, are a revolutionary. Sometimes you will take a hit. Just take a deep breath, remember your good intentions for True Wife, and let those hits roll right off. Like a duck's back, baby. Like a duck's back.

Now, when are we having a drink (or seven) at Blogher? :)

LaCasey said...

I agree with them - you are great - TWC is great (especially for those of us who are not brides or mothers at this point) - there will always be grumpy pants in life

Izzy said...

As I said in my email...

There are always going to be people who see things differently and some will look at TWC and only see the negative and none of the positive. That's their problem, not yours. Obviously, you're providing something people need or they wouldn't keep coming and submitting confessions. To be able to unburden one's self is a blessing and sure, sometimes the confessions are unpleasant but that's life. It ain't always pretty.

Daren said...

Oh, please, don't stop TWC. I check it every day, just in case. TWC serves a very good purpose, just because now and then some idiot can't see that and has to go bashing. Don't let the trolls win. Life isn't always roses and rainbows, and that site is a great way to vent, commiserate, or just realize how truly bad it could be.
Please, don't stop.

simonsays said...

Don't pull the plug on your baby, it's a good thing, really. A lot of women LEARN alot there, and men do, as well. There will always be those that want to destroy the good...

jen said...

i remember when you started TWC, the little baby site with a few confessions comments and then out of nowhere..bam! it took off, and then i noticed some weirdnesses from time to time, somehow that anonymous signature makes people cruel sometimes, doesn't it...and now, as it's gigantic (and getting bigger) that net will be cast even wider, and there is more room for people to take shots at you...and you know, just don't let them. look above their smallness into the sun. it's your baby. you did this really, really cool thing.

Gurukarm said...

You know, it's kind of the same thing as when people complain about something on TV - there's an "off" button (and channel changer) for a reason. Likewise, there are about 8 billion websites, 1/2 of them blogs :-) out there - if someone doesn't like what they're reading on TWC, there's other places to go. You can tell 'em so, too! :-)

In danger of being repetitive: you're doing a good thing, girl - keep it up!

Mignon said...

I like what Bobita said. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I agree that it's a little tiny window into the world. Whether it's in a dark period or a supportive, gentle place, TWC grows/stretches/shrinks like marriage.

I was first thinking that comments should be turned off, but I think that would stunt its growth. A site like that needs to be organic (a phrase I despise, but seems appropriate, nonetheless). There needs to be give and take and the forces of good need to prove themselves stronger.

I was also thinking that perhaps no anon comments might make it more constructive, but I think even the trollish anon comments bring out the kindness and well-intentioned indignation in people that might not normally speak up.

So in the end I have the worst advice of all: don't take it personally. Doesn't that suck to say/hear? But really, you can't let a person who doesn't know you and doesn't understand what it's all about ruin a really good thing.

The end.

E. said...

I agree with Mignon and others: don't take it personally, and don't let the trolls get you down. You are the midwife of that site, not its author. It's an important site. I'd rather see it without comments or with no anon comments than see it disappear (and there is something appealing about confessions that just get to exist, without comment), but it's also good just as it is.

Nice new template by the way. Wear those shoes to your high school reunion!

TB said...

I knew it was headed down this path when the Trainwreck site used to frequently reference confessions, but I think that's the nature of the internet. There are ugly trolls and there are also really lovely people. I think it's awesome that TWC still attracts both.

kim said...

I've read all the confessions, the FAQ's on the site and it seems to me that everyone knows what they're getting in to if they particpate on the blog. I don't see why you should have to baby-proof TWC or end it. If someone submits a post boasting about cheating on their spouse then that person should man-up and deal with the consequences.

And for the others that need to be heard and someone (via comments)to tell them that they are being heard, the service you provide is invaluable.

Crystal said...

Stick with it. Rise above the unwashed masses and remember, above all - smile beautifically!

Seriously, there is the same prob on the hometown online newspaper where I work. Trolls are trolls but fortunately, they are outnumbered by really normal people who "get" your site and appreciate it.

 
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