Dear Mama Spears,
I am not one to call the kettle black when it comes to parenting. And I held out for a long time when it came to your older kid. I mean, Britney IS an adult, and there comes a point where parents have to let their children be responsible for their own actions.
Of course, I did think it was a bit odd to dress your little girl up like a hooker school girl and strut her out in front of the world. But Hey. To each his own.
And then your oldest lost her ever-lovin mind. That string of guys? The white trash husband with the babies mama, the pantry free photographic Pap smear, the crazy BatBoy look she took one when she shaved her head?
Seriously? I suspected heavy duty post partum depression. And I thought - Where is the Women ( and I use the capital "W" here) in this girls life? Where is her Mom? Is there not one true friend who can sit down with her and say "Honey, you are fucking up your life beyond normal boundries" - one friend who isn't influenced by the fame and money? And even if it ISN'T a mom, we all have at least One of those friends, right? One who can reach into your skull and grab ahold of you - even as you insist that you are fine and don't need help.
But, I reasoned, a Parent can't be held for their adult kids messed up decisions. We do what we can, us parents, but there comes a time when we have to let our babies out into the world and we hope for the best. That the training and guidance that we have offered come out of the recesses and crevices of their brains and form a tiny voice of reason. We hope. But we can't know for sure until they are faced with the hard things, the crucial choices.
But today, Mama Spears. Today, you have pissed me off. Today I pass judgment on you - not knowing you or your situation. And why is that, Mama Spears?
Because today I had to explain to my nine year old daughter that YOUR 16 year old daughter is pregnant. Your daughter plays the lead character on a television program that mine daughter enjoys.
Can I hold your 16 year old accountable for her actions? Sort of, I suppose. I mean, I was 16 when I became sexually active too. I know that there was nothing my mother could have said to deter me from that path. However, here is the difference, Mama Spears - I went on the Pill before I became sexually active. I planned it. I went to the clinic and had an exam and was prescribed the pills. Why did I have the wherewithall to do this, you wonder? My mother. While she did not condone my sexual activity, she also had ALWAYS emphasized that being responsible - thinking about MY health and future, was the primary thing.
My mother, while unhappy, was AWARE of my changing into a young woman.
I can't help but start to see a pattern here with your girls. They have become the girls that I would discourage Emily from befriending. The type of girls who have too much information, too much freedom and not enough boundaries and rules.
And your parenting book?
Stop trying to live your life through your children. Perhaps then your children would understand that a child is a responsibility to be taken seriously - and not a means to an end.