Death may take a holiday but Influenza does not

Thursday, December 27, 2007

'Twas the evening of Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, except for Dawn Rouse;

The stockings were empty,the gifts all unwrapped,

The cookies were eaten, I had not yet napped;

My child finally nestled all snug in her bed,

The two hours of sleep she'd gotten finally messed with her head;

And Terrance in his skivvies, and me, feeling groovy,

Had just settled down to watch a bootleg movie,

When out in the hall there arose such a splatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Terrance was out cold, I was all by myself,

To deal with the issue that presented itself.

The moon on the breast of the newly puked vomit

Gave the lustre of pearls to the puddles upon it,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But my own puking child, covered toe to ear.

The fluid spew forth, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment she was getting quite sick.

More rapid than eagles the vomit, it came,

That I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Lysol! now, Pinesol! now, Bleach and Windex,

On, Comet! on Downey! And Thank God I bought another box of Tide!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now clean it up! Wash away! Wash away all!"

As dry heaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

My daughter sat before the toilet and cried.

And then, in a twinkling, I knew without doubt

That my evening would be fraught with effluvia all about .

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

More vomit flew out of her mouth with a bound.

She was wearing new jammies, picturing Hannah Montana,

which were now all tarnished with what looked like banana;

the bundle of toys she had flung on her floor,

Now looked as if they'd been involved in a gelatinous war.

Her eyes -- how they watered!! Her forehead all sweaty!

Her PJ's were covered, blankets, rugs and Poor Bitty.

Her droll little mouth was drawn up in an "O",

making it easier forthwith from the vomit to flow;

I leapt over puddles of still steaming puke

to reach my poor daughter and give no rebuke;

While trying quite hard not to step in the yak

I murmured kind words, held her hair, rubbed her back.

And where was my husband, I hear you all wonder,

A sleeping pill he'd taken had put him quite under;

Once finished, I started a nice steamy shower,

And pre pared her toothbrush with all of my power;

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,

And stripped down her bed, rugs, stuffed animals, towels, sheets, pillowcases, dear god, you can't believe how much stuff she actually HIT with her vomit....

My daughter I fetched from the shower with care,

and dressed her in clean clothes and braided her hair,

Her temperature I took, it was 104.

I knew that I needed to also clean the floor,

And stuffing the laundry inside of the washer,

I found the kids motrin, a bucket and water.

I knew for a fact that I would not sleep that night,

so I cleaned up the floor, separated colors and whites.

My daughter was sick, there would be no sleep for me;

And indeed there was little, between the puke and the pee.

But I heard Influenza exclaim as it drove out of sight

"Got you Bitches! Enjoy your puke filled Christmas Night!"

* and still it continues- Day Two. Maybe sleep tonight?

17 Baleful Regards:

Girlplustwo said...

now that's what a call a holly jolly christmas.

damn, girl. wow.

Bethany said...

At least your sense of humor is surviving. Hope it ends quickly.

Anonymous said...

As usual, your wit and sarcasm and wonderful point of view keep you sane!

just a kat said...

Hope she feels better soon! And I hope you get some rest (and that you DONT get that bug).
Take care,

Anonymous said...

How you can take events like that and turn it into this is nothing short of amazing.

Hysterical... and sad.

Hope everyone is feeling better (and rested) at this point.

Nancy said...

Oh god, Dawn -- what suckage. But you make even vomit hilarious.

Mitzi Green said...

okay, kudos to you for your remarkable ability to paint a picture (and butcher an old rhyme), but i wish there'd been a disclaimer at the beginning telling me to PUT DOWN THE CHOCOLATE i was eating BEFORE i started reading...and gagging...

you poor thing.

Marie said...

You did an amazing job, both with the situation at hand and the poem expressing it all. And how fitting for a Christmas Eve poem, :P Hope it clears up *soon*.

E. said...

Oh, poor you! That so, so sucks. Still, your poem is pure excellence. I especially love the lines "Her droll little mouth was drawn up in an 'O' / making it easier forthwith from the vomit to flow."

I also love the original poem, and you do it proud. Clement Clark Moore would be pleased, I feel certain. Hope no one else in the family gets the pukes, and that Emily's bout is over soon.

House of Jules said...

Even with a sick child and lack of sleep, you still have more creativity than the people I know! I hope she's feeling better and that you get some rest. That sounded truly awful (though the rhyming was incredible...)
House of Jules

EUC said...

Oh man that was awesome to read but I'm sure hell on wheels to live.

Jaelithe said...

Exquisitely disgusting, Dawn. You have outdone yourself.

Fraulein N said...

You are a genius. Hope Emily's feeling better.

Bobita said...

Laughing. Hysterically.
Priceless piece of poetry, this is.

Daisy said...

Amazing how creativity and humor can survive when moms are overstressed and overtired. Great post! I've been there. Too many times!

carolinagirl79 said...


Kelly said...

We were up with a sick child all Christmas night as well, though damn if I could write about it with as much talent.

"Got you bitches!" Oh, I love it!

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