Temporary Lock

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I have turned my child over to my mother.

Well - I haven't - but Terrance arranged it. I am still not on speaking terms with Crazy D from the August outburst..but Terrance is a good person, and kind hearted towards my mother in a way that my brother and have exhausted.

I worry about Emily when she is away from me and more specifically with my mother. There have been visits with her grandmother in which her hair doesn't get brushed....and she hasn't been required to brush her teeth. And she has subsisted on Diet Coke.

Terrance used to think was full of shit when I would talk about the year I didn't brush my teeth, or my mothers attitude on meals and nutrition. I would call it my feral childhood, and Terrance would call bullshit for my exaggeration. In his mind, no adult could be so non-attentive to the children in the household.

So when I hand over my carefully observed only child to my mother, I worry.

It is a tough dichotomy - wanting your child to have a relationship with your parent that is not steeped in all the years of shit that you wade through...

Emily knows I am not talking with my mother, although she doesn't really know why. It is not her concern, and I have no need to poison a well that seems healthy. She sometimes asks and I explain that I love my mother....but I just can't talk with her for a while. Emily also knows that there is a baby boy soon to be born to my brother and his wife...and that my mother is not welcome. For my brother, he has had to shut that door - and BOLT it. I only put up a temporary latch, for I know that I will open the door again some day. I always do. I always have.

2 Baleful Regards:

Christian said...

I will open the door again some day. I always do. I always have.

It's those qualities that not only make you a good daughter but allow you to be a good mother as well.

Anita said...

It is a tough dichotomy - wanting your child to have a relationship with your parent that is not steeped in all the years of shit that you wade through...


I have the exact relationship with my father and right now my door is open and he has finally chosen to come in and enter my children's lives, but that door is on a reflex bolt and it will slam shut should he take that gift for granted in any way.

They are our children and it is our duty to surround them with only good and loving people. I commend you for allowing yourself to open the door and I also commend you for knowing when to close it tight.

I am so glad you have a blog :)

 
◄Design by Pocket