Temporary Lock

I have turned my child over to my mother.

Well - I haven't - but Terrance arranged it. I am still not on speaking terms with Crazy D from the August outburst..but Terrance is a good person, and kind hearted towards my mother in a way that my brother and have exhausted.

I worry about Emily when she is away from me and more specifically with my mother. There have been visits with her grandmother in which her hair doesn't get brushed....and she hasn't been required to brush her teeth. And she has subsisted on Diet Coke.

Terrance used to think was full of shit when I would talk about the year I didn't brush my teeth, or my mothers attitude on meals and nutrition. I would call it my feral childhood, and Terrance would call bullshit for my exaggeration. In his mind, no adult could be so non-attentive to the children in the household.

So when I hand over my carefully observed only child to my mother, I worry.

It is a tough dichotomy - wanting your child to have a relationship with your parent that is not steeped in all the years of shit that you wade through...

Emily knows I am not talking with my mother, although she doesn't really know why. It is not her concern, and I have no need to poison a well that seems healthy. She sometimes asks and I explain that I love my mother....but I just can't talk with her for a while. Emily also knows that there is a baby boy soon to be born to my brother and his wife...and that my mother is not welcome. For my brother, he has had to shut that door - and BOLT it. I only put up a temporary latch, for I know that I will open the door again some day. I always do. I always have.