In which I say "Viger" and get the French all pissed off

Monday, February 06, 2006

Apparently it is "Veee-jay". They're gonna Lurve me in Montreal.

I have some good and funny stories to tell. But They must wait.

I got subpeonaed. Twice!!! By both sides!!! I am a very, very popular gal. Then I drove all the way out to the appointed courtroom and had to sit forever. Then the trial got postponed. Then the Prosecuting gentlemen released me from my subpeona. But guess what? I couldn't leave!! Cause the defendant ( who is doing the oh-so- classic loser move of being her own representation) had also subpeoned me. And she wouldn't release me. So I sat there until the prosecuter practically begged the clerk of the court to force her to release me. He actually has to shame her into letting me leave.

That was the moment I heard this classic line from the defendant...
"well, You know - I have got to be back in ( another state which rhymes with Exes) by Thursday. My plane tickets, you know..."

And the clerk gave her such a look!!! I practically peed my pants. The clerk politely informed her that the State doesn't give a rats ass when she needs to be where.

I wanted to point and yell "In Yo Face Bee-yatch!!". But I also wanted to leave, so I stayed quiet.

Here are two other small tidbits from my day.

Tidbit One: Don't choose to wear the gorgeous but furry Coral Angora Sweater on a court day. You will leave puffs of Angora everywhere. Including your black skirt. Coral Angora shows up well on a black skirt. Really, really well.

Tidbit Two: Don't react when your boss says "I hope you brought another sweater to change into for court. That one shows too much cleavage."

I am a 35 year old woman!! I never show too much cleavage at work! Yes, it was a V neck - but hardly low cut at all. In fact, I looked down and responded "I have alot of other sweaters a lot lower than this". You'd have thought I was tropping around in a crop top with glitter star pasties on my nips! Come to think of it. That's my tomorrow outfit. With matching butterfly g-string that peeks over my low ride blue jeans. And Stripper heels. And changing my name to Kristal.

18 Baleful Regards:

Chuck Pierce said...

HAHAHHA

Wear a turtleneck and a momo just for him....

Kristen said...

Sounds so intriguing -- and yeah ixnay on the angora...

Nancy said...

Ooh, you should spell it Krystylle. Or Chrystel. And wear a boa so you can drip feathers rather than angora puffs.

mama_tulip said...

LMAO!!! Be sure to wear the eyeshadow with the sparklies in it. ;)

madge said...

OR! You could pretend to be a tranny stripper and call yourself: Kristal Balls.

Lauren said...

ahahahaha Krital Balls!!!! Love it!!

Why not Mysty Raynes? Yes I think I am funny *sigh*

Chuck Pierce said...

Trust me she really does think she is funny. I had to look after she giggled for like 3 mins straight.

Diana said...

Hahaha Kristal Balls- thank goodness there's no one in my office right now cause I actually laughed out loud!
Spell it Cristal- like the liquor and drag the "a" out- Crystaaaaaaaaaal. (yeah I don't know how to spell the liquor so I did both).

TB said...

My stripper name is Sinnamon. And I think for maximum effect, you should go all out and spell it Krystall.

Dawn said...

That's Kristall "Schweatty" Balls to you all...

Jen said...

"really, sweetheart, didya think you were gonna get into heaven wearing body glitter?...no...uh-uh, no, sorry, don't think so."

(cribbed that from Will & Grace - you gotta hear Megan Mullally say it--priceless)

that is all so classic.

Mama D said...

"Schweatty" Balls. tee hee hee. Salty "Schweatty" balls. That's nice.

Elizabeth said...

Now I want to see that SNL skit with Alec Baldwin! "You've got to try my Schwetty Balls." Hee Hee!

And definitely get some two inch long fake eyelashes to go with the outfit.

Rebecca said...

The commando- quaker will only be happy when we are all wearing bright colored turtlenecks and paisley vests.

halloweenlover said...

If you'd like, you can borrow my porn name- Fluffy Garcia.

I cannot believe your boss said that. HAAAAAAA!

Lisa said...

Go Kristal, GO! heehee. I can't believe your boss said that. V- necks that low. Somebody has "booby envy," yes?

roo said...

Mr. Schweatty, if I had to choke on a weiner, I'm glad it was yours.

Meghan said...

I am not sure if your boss is a man or a woman, but I think they need some education in personal boundaries and general professional decorum.

 
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