Mine is the kid with the Colgate Van Dyke

Monday, February 27, 2006

Dear Unknown Dental Hygeniest who visited my daughter's class today,

I appreciate good dental hygiene. I really do. I started my child with regular cleanings at age 3, and I myself trot in faithfully for my twice a year cleanings. I even floss almost every day.

I do not believe, however, that you are a mother. If you were, the red plaque seeking tablets which you dispensed with such reckless abandon, would be more carefully controlled.

I give you exhibit A:


Mmmm, Yes. There's more:


And for the finish:


Yes, Unknown Dental professional, I feel that there is no one in Your home who will spit red stuff all around your sink and then wipe the same red stuff on your Egyptian cotton towels. I bet your porcelain is clean, and your towels are white. Mine are, as you can see, brown. That is the only practical color of towel in a house with a small child.

And before I bid you adieu, my self esteem would like to thank you for the screaming and pointing that announced "YOU HAVE PLAQUE!!!! EWWWWWWWWWW!!!" during my reading aloud of the "Silver Chair".


May I suggest for your next lesson - brushing without drooling all over yourself.

14 Baleful Regards:

Beth said...

oh my God - i remember those red tablets at school - i always had plaque. humph.

i also remember one of the moms wouldn't let their child chew them because she was sure it was a government mind control pill.

funny the things I still remember.

TB said...

If it weren't so disturbing to think what can be hidden on dark brown bathroom towels when you have kids, I would totally use them.

roo said...

Brusha! Brusha! Brush-a!
New Ipanda toothpaste!
Brusha! Brusha! Brush-a!
Ipanda for your te-eeth!

marshatm said...

Ooohhh - I remember those tablets from when I was a kid.

I don't remember them staining, although I do remember my mom cursing while heading towards the bathroom with bleach so maybe they did make a mess after all.

And the van dyke? That looks like me NOW.

Nancy said...

I bet Unknown Dental Professional has a housecleaner AND a laundry service. And/or no children. Hummmph.

mama_tulip said...

I just threw up in my mouth a bit. I can't stomach seeing toothpaste foam or people brushing their teeth.

Jess Riley said...

Is it okay to laugh at this?

I totally used to use those red tablets and then brush so hard I gave myself receding gums. And they used to make my entire elementary school class swish with flouride mouthwash once a week because country well water didn't have flouride in it. LOL!

E. said...

I clicked over from Gone Feral because I love your blog name, and now I love your blog. Great family description. "The little badass that is our biracial daughter." Excellent.

This post rocks me. I have a young little blog called Oral Hygiene Queen, so you can imagine my delight. I had totally forgotten about the red plaque-revealing tablets. Those always really disturbed me. For some reason, they seemed very cold war (before I knew the term cold war.) Is your mouth breeding Bolsheviks? These red tablets will tell you.

halloweenlover said...

Oh my goodness, I am cracking up. Em is the cutest.

Lisa said...

THat is the sweetest little smile! Awww. I remember those little pills. Oy!

madge said...

I don't believe I've ever experienced the red plaque-revealing pill. Hmm.

And, uh, what's wrong with how Emily brushes her teeth? That's what I look like and I'm 32...

Mignon said...

Those red tablets! As soon as I read that, I remembered distinctly that weird, sweet, smooth-but-gritty taste.

That grin made me grin... :)

mothergoosemouse said...

I remember those tablets too. Yuck.

Ditto Mignon - love Em's grin.

And Roo, you are cracking me up.

Catherine said...

I'm late entering this conversation, but just had to say: oh but you are funny and intuitive about the secret lives of dental hygienists.

 
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