Beyond the fucking pale

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Just as I had almost forgiven you for the shave - your slack ass husband goes and buys this fucking monstrosity.



Oh tee-fucking hee. The two of you were rolling with laughter as you forced me into this piece of chenille shit, but I landed at least two hits with my now clipped claws. And um - yeah, about the nail clipping - I haven't forgotten that either.



And now I will investigate which of these shoes belong to each of your punk ass bitches, cause there will be rivers of acrid cat piss coming to drown you.



You know, when I eyed you all up in July - I figured an easy mark. Hyper Kid, distracted adult female, stern looking but obviously a softie adult man - Perfect for the kitty grift.

I get you to adopt me. I spray all your shit - you feed me progressively more expensive cat food as I will quickly move from living out of garbage cans to ONLY accepting the most high end of cat food ( wet and dry, bitch, you know how I like it mixed). I will force you to buy a series of toys which I will show interest in for 1.7 seconds then I will ignore making you wish you had spent that 12 bucks on booze.



Well guess what - I am never leaving now. It is you people and me for fucking EVER - cause the amount of payback that I have planned will take all of my lives to accomplish.

Stop grinning you stupid whore and put away the camera.

24 Baleful Regards:

Nix Sidhe said...

ok, i've got to know. are you a cat? seriously. no one else could ever know this much about the feline brain. i love these entries!

mamatulip said...

Oh MY GOD. That cat kind of looks like my FIL's hairless wallet rat dog.

Jessica said...

How funny! I love these entries, and may steal the concept for my blog - cuz I'm a thief like that.

Mitzi Green said...

screw it, i want THAT on a t-shirt instead. my. god.

mothergoosemouse said...

Dude, you MIX the food? I thought only my insane husband did that, and for a purebred cat. You're giving that kind of treatment to a stray? It's ALL OVER.

beth said...

you.
are.
hysterically.
funny.

TB said...

And it had to be pink too. The only thing missing is four precious cat booties and maybe a tiny feline toboggan hat.

Jen said...

That is one seriously angry cat. He might need kitty counseling or he'll wait for his claws to grow out and slit all your throats. Can you blame him? PINK?! Hilarious.

Bobita~ said...

Seriously, when it this feline character going to hook up with Smokey?

Lisa said...

You cat should get together with the evil genius baby on Family Guy.

The could rule the world and the rest of us would rue the day! :-)

Nancy said...

And I thought that cat could not get any more pissed off...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I think our cats are related. I'm pretty sure if I tried to put a sweater on Klaus he would try to claw my eyes out. Especially if it was pink. He's heard Claudia say pink is a girl color 1000 times.

Jess said...

There's nothing like a shaved pussy all dolled up.

What?

ayasud said...

I so needed that. You should try your cat out for the Bad Cats calendar. Heh. The ultimate in indignity....

aanix said...

Oh, that is too funny. I am laughing out loud. I'm gonna link to you on my blog. My friends have got to see this.

velocibadgergirl said...

"the amount of payback that I have planned will take all of my lives to accomplish"

BAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHA@!!

I think the cat, like Vlad, needs to become a regular poster on the blog. She's pretty damn funny. And looks great in pink.

Ellie's Mommie said...

I hear they have kitty Prozac these days. No doubt this sweater could be the triggering factor for years of kitty Prozac and pet counseling. Hope you bought pet health insurance. Wonder if they cover psychiatric treatment.

kim said...

That was fucking hysterical. I so want to be a cat.

Karly said...

LMAO! That second picture...she just looks so disgusted with you.

Anonymous said...

Hehe Have you ever met Scratch Fury? He talks like this sometimes. Maybe less profanity. lol
See http://www.pvponline.com/

Buffy said...

Love it.

And I don't even like cats.

Sorry.

Anonymous said...

That is actually a beautiful cat, sweatered or not. She looks pissed, though.

creative-type dad said...

That. is. funny.

You do know the cat will probably light the house on fire when everybody's sleeping right?
They do that.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

OMG!!! The shaved and sweatered cat is TOO MUCH!!! I'm CRACKING UP!! You SO have the cat thinking down pat!

 
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