Dear New Hampshire:

Monday, July 02, 2007

It has been a year since we broke up. Leaving you was far harder than I ever imagined and I almost dropped everything and came back to you, although I must admit that at a year out there are things that I don't miss so much.

I do not miss NASCAR. I know, who would have thought! I do not long for Jeff Gordon life size cutouts greeting me at the grocery store. I do not miss the massive stickers which covered the backs of trucks. I do not wish to gaze upon various jackets, t-shirts, hats or other pieces of "clothing" which bear various logos and numbers. Montreal is remarkably NASCAR free. Hockey? Hell yes, but even that seems somehow tamer than the whole NASCAR thing. Did you hear that? Montreal Hockey fans seem LESS rabid that New Hampshire NASCAR fans.

I do, however, miss Dunkin Donuts with a passion which is re-ignited every time I cross the border. I know exactly where the closest Dunkin Donuts is in Vermont. I drive there and get my coffee. Ordered exactly how I know how to order coffee. And it tastes perfect. How do you do that Dunkin Donuts? Is there crystal meth in your coffee? I practically overdosed during the weekend of my brothers wedding in Boston. Emily kept commenting on happy I looked with my massive iced coffee plastic cup. When I get back to Montreal, I tell tales in my local Second Cup of the wonder of the American iced coffee. You can feel the polite Canadian barista's trying to not tell me to shut the fuck up as I go On and On about the beauty and wonder of the Dunkin Donut coffee. But they don't. Cause they are Canadian. And Canadians are generally very polite people. Even when they are telling me that they already know I am American...they do it Politely.

I do not miss politics. The never ending political conversation with the undeniable conservative bent that IS New Hampshire. I do not miss debates. I do not miss the
phone calls polling me on who I plan on supporting. I do not miss being an obvious Democrat in a Republican state. You know what? There are DAYS that go by that I don't see a picture of GW Bush. And I don't miss that AT ALL.

I do not miss your lack of fashion. I know, I am the kettle calling the pot ebony. I am not a fashionable woman, and yet DAMN! WHO KNEW that there was a world of clothing and style and Man-grooming out there that was not covered by LL Bean and Gap.

I do miss, however, your relatively cheap gasoline. When I last got gas down the road it was $1.14 A LITER. Calculate that you damn users of the standard English pounds and measures. Yeah. I also miss Fahrenheit. This Celsius stuff still messes me up. Because I am a lame American, I have a program on my computer which converts Celsius to Fahrenheit. Oh and on the topic of gasoline....Someone needs to have a word with the Quebecois about the etiquette of a gas station. It's all willy nilly here.

So, New Hampshire, like a boyfriend who was great in bed - but terrible everywhere else? I save you for my fond daydreamy times, knowing that the break up was the best thing I could have done. Hard but needed.

It wasn't you, I swear. It's me.

8 Baleful Regards:

Mitzi Green said...

you do know, don't you, that "it's not you, it's me" really means "yeah, it was you, but i'm trying to be nice."

and i think i could give up american coffee if i could replace it with the pastry you've briefly described. mmm, pastry...

Kate said...

I've been in Canada for almost two years and I still have not stopped missing iced coffee. It was EVERYWHERE in New York, so I had no idea it'd be so hard - and by "so hard" I mean "impossible" - to find in Canada.

SUEB0B said...

If I had the lack of George Bush thing, I could put up with anything else.Lucky.

Bobita said...

I'm with Sue. Without Dubya? Yeah, ANYTHING else. In fact, I have seriously considered moving to Canada for that very reason.

Jamie said...

Great, great post! :)

Anonymous said...

So, I'm a lurker, but the Dunkin Donuts stuff brought me out of the closet...there are DD's in Montreal. I knew I saw them on my last trip up there from Philly, and I confirmed by checking their website. Just go to their website and do the "find a location" thing. I'm not sure if the quality of the crack infused coffee will be the same as it is in the states, but it's worth a shot, right?

Her Bad Mother said...

DUDE. There're Dunkin' Donuts in Ontario. Why don't you get over here already?

Anonymous said...

As a former NH'er I want you to know your ode brought tears of laughter and fondness to my eyes. Thankfully, Philadelphia has a blessed number of dunkies, deomcrates. It also has blessedly few NASCAR fans.

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