It's Favorites Week Here at Baleful Regards

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I fly to BlogHer tomorrow - I am wildly WILDLY excited. I will be the one hugging random strangers in the airport. And flashing my boobs. Well, that's after the drinking... So here is an old favorite. I'm clearing my brain ( and digital camera)for the Tales of BlogHer "06"


Inspired by Fancypants’ (possessive used correctly) showing of her bathroom, I decided to give a virtual tour of the Inner Sanctum. Well, that isn’t true. Right now, I got Nothing, so you can all pretend that you have been invited to my house, and had far too much sangria or a really bad lemon drop martini*, or a worse caramel apple martini* and now you need to use the bathroom. Let me save you the trouble of opening the medicine cabinet, peeking behind the shower or under the sink. We’re all about transparency in my home.

First, the view from the Throne. My never-ending battle with the ends of the heating element are a lost cause. I put them on, they fall off. And rust. No one has died from lockjaw yet, but we remain hopeful.

Next, an example of my husbands fine carpentry skills. Terrance has some very admirable qualities. The man can write a federal grant like nobody’s business, and his knowledge of the cigar industry is a miracle to behold. However, I am indeed fortunate to have chosen him AFTER the industrial revolution, as we would clearly be the family in the home made of what ever was lying around. He has no mechanical or crafty skills. Note the caulking technique, with the carefully matched palette:

What’s behind that curtain, you ask – AH HA! Someone in this house is a product whore! Someone in this house likes to use a different shampoo every day. Someone in this house likes lots of shower gels. Yep. It’s me. Note how Terrance has attempted to Paint over the mold that grows on this sill. It shall not be overcome.

Ah yes, the back of the toilet. My favorite? The Fingertip Rope Caulk. More bath products. Band-Aids for imaginary boo-boo’s. The infamous “pick up your hair from the sink” lint remover, all in a basket that was part of the table pieces from my wedding…ten years ago. And my Husbands Neti Pot. Look it up. I can’t bear to talk about it.

My corner of the sink. I likey the products – Did I mention?. The formerly virgin hair clipper before I rudely defiled its purity by using it on my delicate bits.

Dear God! What is that? It is Under the sink. Jesus Christ! Are those additional shampoos shower gels and hair products? Yeah, Yeah – Suck it – I know. I am also a trifle obsessed with running out of feminine products during that time o’ the month, so I tend to Overbuy – hence the 2 packages of Always napkins. I will also be ready if we have any major head wounds, as you can use a sanitary napkin as a handy compress. See also Terrance’s box of Black male hair products…..Featuring Knotty Boy Dread Wax. If any of you whitey’s out there want to dread your hair – this stuff will do the trick. It has inter-racial endorsement in our home.

The piece de resistance: The medicine cabinet. Yes, there are two bottles of Advil in the cabinet. And one in my purse. What if we got snowed in and I needed Advil? Or was stuffy? Terrance is pretty sure that we will be busted as a meth lab soon, due the amount of Sudafed and Sudafed based products I buy and consume. All praise the AstroGlide! Thank you Gay men everywhere for bringing this product to the market! Hurrah for Burt’s Bees! And Pro-Activ… and the CO Bigelow mouthwash that could hill the avian flu if taken straight.

Finally, as you sit upon the throne, you glance to your right. Is that a Jack-O Lantern sticker you see? Yes. I could blame Emily, but no. I put that there before she was born. I like to see who notices. And finally, a piece of advice from Terrance…Don’t try to burn a candle in a heat conducting container on your bathroom counter.

So, do you still want to come over after I have revealed the inner sanctum? Do you dare?

*Shoutout to De-De for drinking my henious concoctions

7 Baleful Regards:

Angel said...

Dawn, Ilove you! I am going to show you MY bathroom....I think our husbands might be related in the "handyman" dept. You are tooooo much fun!

Mignon said...

I googled Neti Pot. I didn't even click the links because the tiny blurbs of info were enough to sufficiently gag me.

I have that same jacko'lantern sticker on my sweats - it's been through 3 wash cycles and is now a member of the family.

Have fun this weekend!

E. said...

Your man netis! I totally neti. Shit, given that I clean my tongue daily, can you be surprised? In fact, not only do I neti, but my man netis, which is amazing given that he laughed at me the first forty times I did it. Then he had a bad sinus infection, and he succumbed in desperation. Ah, the neti pot.

Thanks for reposting the tour of your bathroom for those of us who missed it the first time around. You are keepin it real, sister.

Anonymous said...

I fuckin' loved this post. Thanks for re-posting it.

Have a faboo time at BlogHer, dammit.

Lori said...

Great post. I don't feel so bad for being product whore now.

Anonymous said...

Geez, sorry I haven't been around this week... catching up now.

Do we get to see your new house's bathroom next?

Can't wait, can't wait, tomorrow is near!!

Anonymous said...

I was a little scared about the brands of product you use until I saw the Redken on the counter ;)

(I work for Redken -- thanks!)

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