Some "assvice" from me to you

Monday, November 07, 2005

In an effort to make you spouse feel better after his “Procedure”, don’t mention that:

Me:“Hey ,Denise hopes you are feeling better”
Him: “Denise Knows?”
Me: “Yeah, I told her, cause the girls are getting together and I couldn’t go that night”
Him: “Oh my God, I didn’t want Denise to know!”

A Little Later –

Me: “Hey Rick says that next time we all get together, he will buy you a drink, since you were unable to join the parents this weekend!”
Him: “Rick Knows? Does this mean all the parents know too?”
Me: “Well, yeah – they wondered where you were and I told them that you would have preferred to be at the party, instead of recovering!”
Him: “Oh my God , Dawn – ( sarcastic tone) Did you tell all of cyberspace too?”
Me: Long Pause “Welllllllllll yeah.”

The intense stare being beamed at me by my spouse is penetrating my consciousness. He is Not happy. I have done something very, very bad. It knocks spending the 200 dollars at Old Navy this past weekend out of the top position of “bad Dawn Decisions” for him to be royally pissed off at me about.

Him: Did it ever occur to you that this is private? Maybe I don’t want the whole world to know about this?”
Me: “Honestly, no. I mean, you know, it’s no big deal”

Would anyone care to join me in my doghouse? I shall be living there for a couple of days.

11 Baleful Regards:

Anonymous said...

Oh...nooo... have you at least pimped out the D-house so that it could be featured on "Cribs: Doggy Style".
Have been guilty of same in teh "our friends don't need to know about about our sex life, Jen," even if I do think it was really funny and awesome AND makes him look like a total stud. Tell him that The Snip-Snip is very, untragically hip. It's not like say, the capelet where it's en vogue one season and then banished forever the next only then to be openly mocked in future In Style mags. Know what I'm sayin??
Eh, privacy, schmivacy.

Table4Five said...

Beth's right, like my husband for example, who promised to get snipped in 1998 after Nathan was born. You see how well that worked out for us.

I also agree that it shows just how tough they are, plus now you can have all the sex you want-what guy doesn't want people to know that?

Anonymous said...

Yikes. We can pretend we never heard about it if it would make him feel better.

I've been pretty open about J's plans to get snipped, and he has too -- in fact, he knows I mentioned it on this blog and was OK with it. But I think he sees it the way Elizabeth does -- unlimited sex without the danger of another baby. This way he can brag to his peeps that he's gettin' some constantly. Maybe Terrance is a little more subtle and modest than my J?

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's different down here,but we discussed hubby's little procedure with anyone and everyone. Hell,we were both lookin for feedback. (and when I say 'anyone and everyone' I am of course referring to people we know..not random people at the supermarket or church)

Anonymous said...

I stand corrected. Apparently J did not realize I was discussing it in cyberspace.

Is there still room in that doghouse?

Anonymous said...

Well, apparently the promise of 20 sexual encouters to be performed in record time has his hopes up. I have also taken to saying "You're my hero" every few hours.

It did however defer the "You spent 200 dollars at Old Navy!" discussion for later.

Plus, who did he think he married? I haven't kept anything a secret...EVER.

And Sure Nancy, come on in. We can go shopping together. That always helps.

Julie Marsh said...

At least you didn't describe it, in excruciating detail, in holiday cards sent to your family.

That didn't happen in my family, by the way. The SIL of a former co-worker of mine blathered on and on about her husband's (my co-worker's brother) vasectomy in a Christmas card insert.

$200 at Old Navy? A whole new wardrobe or what?

Anonymous said...

Jeez, I need to not joke about J, since he reads everyone else's sites in addition to my own.

Let me also clarify that he does not go around bragging about his sexual conquests. I was kidding about that, of course.

Shopping's looking really good right about now...

Anonymous said...

As long as you document the doghouse experience on your blog...

Lisa said...

OH MY GOD... That sounds so much like my hubby. He'll say something to me and then ask, "Are you going to put that on your blog..."

Table4Five said...

What do you mean when you say "20 sexual encounters in record time"?
Is that how many times it takes until you get the, um, "all-clear"?
Or is that what you suggested to keep yourself out of the doghouse?

Gosh that's a personal question but I'm gonna ask anyway, since we're all being so candid.

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