My brain is filled with odd, trivial and at times useless information. My penchant for watching the History, Discovery, Learning, and National Geographic channels has rolled itself into the seething mass of facts, information and bizarre ability to recall information that is my brain.
Seriously. From song lyrics to the mating habits of Pandas. It all rolls around in there, waiting to be plucked out with absolute authority at the right time.
Sometimes I seem preternaturally smart. Others? Freakishly quirky.
Several years ago, I was helping to "facilitate" a intensive, week long graduate seminar. The person I was helping asked if I would grab her piece of cheesecake before we walked back to the hotel. It was late and we had finished prepping for the following morning.
I grabbed her cheesecake and we started to walk back.
Now, understand that this seminar was being held at a lovely resort in New Hampshire. A resort in the wilderness. With Bears. Lots and Lots of Bears.
Dee and I were walking with one of the Instructors. Chatting. Laughing. General Merriment.
When I spotted something moving. Over there to the left. Hmmph. Kind of looks like a big dog. Lots of dogs here at the resorts with their families.
I continue to walk, holding my friends slice of cheesecake. The "dog" continues to walk towards us.
I say, "Hey.....Is that a bear?". I stop walking to get a better look. I then, in my best helpful Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom voice, say this: "If it is a bear, we should stay very still so they ignore us and keep moving."
I may have heard this on a "surviving a bear attack" segment on Discovery channel. I may have also forgotten that I was holding a piece of cheesecake.
I freeze per the helpful Discovery channel instructions.
I glance behind me to see Dee and the Instructor running back to the conference center. I then realize I am holding a delicious piece of cheesecake and that the "dog" IS, in fact, a black bear. Walking towards me. Snuffling with intent.
Having committed to my tactic of "freezing to make the bear believe I wasn't there", I remained in place. Frozen. Cake in hand.
The bear continues to approach. Snuffling. He glances at me, swinging his black bear head over to the right to look at me and the cake. While I would like to believe that it was my quick thinking that made the bear decide I was not worth mauling, I suspect that this bear was fat and happy from the garbage left around the resort. My body, ample as it may be and topped with a slice of cheesecake, was no contest when faced with the gourmet haul this bear was gorging on every night.
But let it be known. My friend HAD her piece of cheesecake that night. And I had a martini. A very strong martini.