I pity the fool

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Montreal QC-

In a shocking follow up to our earlier feature, the Metal stairs granted a never before given interview.

Although rather demure in appearance, the Stairs clearly pack more of a punch than one might expect.

"I pity the fool who attempts to step down my treacherous passageways without first answering my questions...", the Stairs exclaimed. "Why, you should have seen her - Talking away on the phone, shucking corn - pretending like I wasn't even good enough to be under her feet!"

The Stairs followed with this tidbit of gossip, "Speaking of feet, she often paints her toes out here right on me. Let me tell you. Her feet aren't as special as she would like people to believe!"

Asked about the rumors that Metal Stairs had been seen canoodleing with a certain Walmart metal carriage corral, the Stairs had no comment. "Who I canoodle with is none of your damn business", said the Stairs menacingly.

The tell tale corn husks still littering the ground around the bottom, the Stairs expressed no regret for the six pack of whoop ass that it opened on the unsuspecting Dawn.

"She deserved it.", the Stairs sneered.

When reached for comment, Dawn spoke in guarded terms about the Stairs. "No, I haven't spent any time on the back porch area since. And Yes, I am still requiring the Advil Liquigels upon my awakening in the morning. The bruises are fading, but good lord. I don't heal as fast as I used to."

When asked about the alleged "questions" asked by the Stairs prior to her fall, Dawn looked up thoughtfully. "I think it was something about the air speed velocity of a Laden African Swallow...but I didn't know the answer."

7 Baleful Regards:

House of Jules said...

These are not at all how I envisioned your metal stairs. They're so MUCH metal-ier in reality than in my imagination. Yikes.

Bobita said...

What do you mean? An African or European swallow?


I recently sampled some extraordinary cookies that might help with your level of pain. They are the same cookies that those African swallows swear by.

Woman with Kids said...

Those stairs are just a bitch. Can't you threaten them with rust enhancing stuff?

Anonymous said...

Those are some scary ass stairs. Glad you're starting to feel better.

E. said...

Yes, the visual aid shows that they are clearly treacherous. I assume you go out the front door when you're wearing heels.

I would not recommend a rematch.

Anonymous said...

SHIT, I had no idea just HOW treacherous those were. I sceered all the way from here.

Just, ...yeah, you might wanna be careful on those.

Bubblewench said...

Damn! Those are some nasty stairs!

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