Closing my eyes and thinking of England

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Mmmmmm, Wentworth Miller. I love me some Wentworth. Yeah, I know he is most likely gay as gay can be, but I care not. He is some yummy eye candy and I am happy that Prison Break has returned. If only due to my need to research shank/shiv lingo and fantasize about Wentworth's tattoo'ed body.

But, ahem, back to the task at hand.

During BlogHer, I shared the wonder that was my Chinese Herbal medicines. We admired the wonder that was the beauty of the pills. The gold coated herbs.

Then the inevitable question came..."What's in them?"

Um, I don't know...Herbs?

Several of us peeled the ingredients list open and took a gander. Ok, what wasn't in Chinese was a bit befuddling to the non-Latin speakers among us. But one word I recognized.....Semen.

Excuse me? I am taking medicinal semen?

So, for your edification - and my peace of mind, I am unveiling the ingredients of my magical Chinese pills.

Calculus Bovis - Um, this is a bezoar. Those of you who have read Harry Potter? Yeah. This isn't looking good....

Rhizoma Chuanxiong - From an herb - Lovage.

Radix Glycyrrhizae - HEY! This is Licorice root. OKAY, not bad. Makes up a little for the first ingrediant.

Radix Ginseng - I also know this one! Ginseng!

Cortex cinnamon - I like cinnamon.

Radix Ampelopsis - It seems to be the root of a tree. At least I think.

Colla Corii Asini - Tonifying and enriching the blood, Nourishing Yin. Uh,Oh. This one has a bit of a disturbing origin...It seems to be derived from gelatin made with the skin of a donkey. I am eating Ass ass gelatin. Given to me, by a doctor.

Here is the scary one:
Semen Armeniacae Amarum - OH! Thank GOD! It is Bitter Apricot Kernal. Here I was, all worried, and the donkey gelatin and cow gallstone is much, much worse.

Pollen Typhae - Cattail Pollen. Good enough!

Poria - A fungus that grows on pine trees? I'm eating pine tree fungus?

Some more roots, a few more roots...something called Medicated Leaven.., another root and "Mel", which had me concerned until I realized it was Honey.

So aside from the disturbing Ass gelatin, Cow gallbladder stone, and pine fungus, everything else seems pretty ok.

It's amazing what we will swallow...and I think you all know what I mean....

13 Baleful Regards:

Diana said...

Sorry, I meant to read your post but I'm stuck drooling at the picture of Wentworth...
he is yummy. I love watching Prison Break just for him!

Lisa said...

Oh he IS dreamy! Sigh.

Mignon said...

Yes, not only is he most likely gay, but, what, 14 years old in that picture?

I think I'd probably ask him to mow my lawn to make money for his little league team. But, oh Wentworth? It's really hot out here, don't you think? Perhaps you'd be more comfortable with that shirt off?

(Reminds me of this:

Anonymous said...

Yum, I love to swallow me some bitter apricot kernal. I've heard you can make it taste a little better by feeding your apricots applesauce. What?

I was hoping it WAS something a little more exotic, like Tiger semen!

Andrea said...

At least you know if anyone ever poisons your wine, your bezoar will counteract it. Oh wait, that's only in fiction. Pull a Mad Eye Moody and make sure you only pour your own drinks from now on. Not that anyone's trying to poison you. Okay, well that humor fell drastically short. sorry.

Bobita said...

Ass gelatin...hee-hee!

(I can't tell you how hard I'm laughing at the thought of a doctor prescribing you to eat ass.)


I gotta tell you, though...if eating ass will help balance the chi...I'm ALL FOR IT! Where can I get me some ass gelatin?!

Anonymous said...

You're a bad bad girl. Just when I think I'm finally growing up, I come to your blog and giggle like I'm 16

Anonymous said...

OMG. Seriously, I never considered that he might be gay. LOL.

Debbie said...

the coffee is much harder on my teeth than the other stuff. well, no, wait, scratch that. the other stuff is TOXIC. I worry that they're going to dissolve if I don't get that shit outta there within seconds. ('cause this girl don't swallow.)

oh. I'm sorry. you weren't soliciting this sort of information. I apologize.

*slithers out of room*

Cindylou said...

I work in a high school and last year a sophomore girls asked the biology teacher (out loud in class) if it is true that semen makes your teeth whiter? I can see the new toothpaste now, All Natural ingredients....Actually I want to know what guy is using that line?

Fraulein N said...

OMG, that poor girl. Hee, you just know her boyfriend worked so hard to convince her it was true! When I was in college Anatomy/Physiology we were learning about the composition of semen and some girl asked if the natural sugar in it was what made it taste so sweet. The way she said it was the kicker, like she was wondering what made Betty's apricot cookies taste so darn good. Everyone in the (packed) lecture hall had a good laugh that day. Except for her, of course.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I was especially fond of the conversation that went like this:
Me: well, does it at least SMELL like chocolate (after asking does the cadbury egg sized and looking ball taste like it)

You: No, it smells like ass. wanna smell?

Me: Uh, now, that's okay, you keep it.

Anonymous said...

Those fuckers were some big-ass pills. Guess it makes sense that they would smell and taste like ass, too.

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