Don't make me Shank you, Claus

Monday, December 19, 2005

Well, I am alive. Not that there was ever any doubt, but I just wanted to clarify for my own sake. I have survived 2 weekends - IN A ROW- as a single parent. Both weekends involved a snow day on each successive Friday. I believe that this is a cosmic plan to de-stabalize me j-u-s-t enough so that I run from my house, naked, screaming: "Take me Forest Elves!!", as I disappear into the woods.

But I resisted. Barely.

As are all children in the countdown before the gift orgy that is Christmas, my own child is off the ever-loving wall. I threatened to eat her yesterday. Cannabalism, Folks. I threatened Cannabalism. Where are the Holiday songs about Cannabalism? We could start a new trend.

So this is a mish mash of a bunch of my thoughts over the last weekend. I never had time to sit down and write the witty, all inclusive blog entry as I was busy wrapping an obscene amount of gifts, cleaning and mailing 75 christmas cards. And I decided to buy a new address book and swap all the names over ( which, might I add is NOT a good idea on the weekend before Christmas).

Thought 1: Even though they have the built in "support" - This camisole is not prepared for what we are bringing to the boob table. Note to self. Wear a bra.
Thought 2: When did all the words from Bob Segar's "Hollywood Nights" take up residence in my brain. I sang along with all the correct words this morning. I don't even think I like Bob Segar....
Thought 3: Really must take care of eyebrows TONIGHT. They look like angry hedgehogs have mated on my face. And I think I see a GRAY eyebrow hair. Is that even possible?

Thought 4: The tree honestly did not look this big in the field when we tagged it in October.
I measured it on Friday - Any guesses? ?? 10 and a half feet tall. That's a big ass tree.

Here are some ornaments from my tree. I always like to see what makes people's tree's different. Here are some of mine.:

Year 2005 - Dawn Graduates from Graduate school

Year 2003: Dawn Starts Grad school, works full time and parents a yet to be diagnosed ADD child:

Year 2004: Dawn is in grad school and spends many weekends out with her fellow students. She has a pretty good time!

This was from 1993 - the year Terrance proposed... Get it? Pigs Flew!

And Finally - This was the one I chose for Terrance this year. In honor of his "encounter":

10 Baleful Regards:

Anonymous said...

What a modest proposal, Dawn. Cannabalism, it's the new black.

That is a gigantic tree. Our is also huge (I think it's an eight footer). It's been eating ornaments and lights since we put it up, I haven't seen my cat in a week, and I swear I heard it whispering obscenities to me in Entish the other night.

halloweenlover said...

My favorite is the pigs flying ornament. CLASSIC.

Do you want to send Emily down to Boston for the week? I could use some childish distraction and it could save her life! ; )

V said...

I love your ornaments! I was gonna take a few close-ups as well, when I discovered on Saturday that it seemed the kitty had been decorating (instead of just his normal eating ritual) the tree....I found at least SIX of his kitty toys perched loving among the snow men and other ornmanets. Sadly, no clse-ups...the camera must be up Santa's arse.

Diana said...

oh my God the moose ornament got me laughing all over again! My co-workers must think I'm insane to laugh at my "excel" screen...

Anonymous said...

Is that a Lyle Crocodile ornament I see?
Also I feel your pain on the eyebrows. I have to keep tweezers in my car such is my obsession.

Anonymous said...

I might have to try the threat of cannibalism with Big-A. I don't know though, she's the ultra sensitive type -- she might think I'm serious.

I love the tree. I have some favorite ornaments too, I was thinking about doing a photo spread on mine once I get through the next week of helliday fun.

Thought 1: I always wear a bra under my camisoles with shelf bras. They just don't cut it on their own if you have any sort of, er, filler.

Thought 2: I am scared.

Sugarmama said...

Can't believe I allowed you to put "Holiday Nights" into my brain radio rotation. Ugh!

Anonymous said...

I love your ornaments-- especially the giraffe (keeping all those hoops going!) And the flying pig. And...

But I've gotta tell you, it's worse to feel like your brows are disappearing. I saw myself on video tonight, and from the side I have no eyebrow at all. I don't know where it went.

Anonymous said...

Yes, your ornaments are tre cool (why does ornaments come off sounding like a euphamism for something else just then?...yeah dawn, nice "ornaments" should wear a shelf bra tank w/ no bra more often.).
ANY. way., mine are pretty boring (the ones on the tree, I mean). Mike has some real winners tho, I should photog. those. The Tazmanian devil jumping out of the popcorn box with a santa hat comes to mind. Every year as I place that one on the tree,he gets the eye roll from me.

Table4Five said...

I love the idea of taking photos of the ornaments, don't mind if I copy you, do you?

Ditto on the "gray" eyebrow hairs, although mine are actually white. And I've found them in other, um, places, too.

Growing up in Detroit, Terrance would have heard Bob Seger on the radio every 5 minutes. Maybe he's been whispering the words to "Hollywood Nights" in your ear while you sleep?

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