K.I.F. (Keepin' it Fake)*

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Fraulein N tm

First, Thank you all for your amazing responses. I am not a person who gets mushy, but the warmth, the support, the sincere Love that I felt through the internet just bowled me over.

To clarify, I was processing MY reaction to feeling shamed. My reactions, as Suebob astutely pointed out - comes from my "pain body" - a reaction that is disproportionate to the event. When I start to feel these overwhelming emotions wash over me in response to something that one any other given day I could brush aside? Well, it means it's time to look at a deeper meaning. The "truth hurts people" commenter was a victim of a forgotten comma. Intending to say "Truth Hurts, People!", the receptive meaning for me changed without the comma.

I completely understand. That is, as we all know, the danger of electronic communication.

However, I view it as a gift. That forgotten comma inspired me to write something that was due to be written. The emotional and sexual abuse I experienced helped to create the person I am today. My depression has made me a better mother and a more sensitive human being. These are gifts that have been given under the guise of terrible things. If one believes in Karma, as I do, I do not think that these events are senseless and unconnected. I am living the life I was meant to lead.

And NOW, onto the funny. Cause, let's face it...my brain whirls with hilarity.

Fraulein N recently wrote a post in which she relayed the ways she was "Keeping it Fake." in relation to VH1's "Flavor of Love" That went over as high hilarity in my house.

I would like to add the ways in which I, Dawn, am also "Keeping it Fake".

1. I wear brasseires when I leave the house.

The girls do not go commando when I am in public. They are ensconced in a mid price practical, unembellished bra. I take care to make sure my bra straps are not in view.

2. I own and wear heavy duty winter clothing.

Yes. Boots, hats, mittens, heavy fleece pants. Fuck Fashion, I am not being cold.

3. All of my clothing is bought at the correct size.

I am not an XS woman, and there is no way I am squeezing anything into an XS or a Small...Just because you can fit your ass into it doesn't mean you should wear it. I also own, nor wear, any item with the words "juicy" or "phat"

4. I am white.

I do not mistake myself for a person of any other ethnic heritage. I'm pretty clear that I am a white girl from Vermont.

and, my top way of keepin it fake?

5. I am not secretly married to anyone else!

So, go ahead..add the ways you may be keeping it "fake".

15 Baleful Regards:

Sugarmama said...

Hey, way to keep it fake! And thanks for the link to Fraulein's blog. My girl wanted to know why I was laughing so hard, too.

Anonymous said...

My K.I.F. list is exactly the same as yours, except substitute "Michigan" for "Vermont" (it's almost as cold anyway).

I can add I am Keeping It Fake by driving a 1997 Plymouth Grand Voyager minivan, with seating for seven including the base for the carseat. My rims don't spin, my license plate doesn't glow in the dark, but it gets me where I need to go.

Mignon said...

Wait - I don't get it...
Is KIF like me wearing cool low-profile reading glasses all day because they make me look like you and thusly smart and clever. Or is KIF me wearing them with soccer shorts because they're (sorta) clean and I'm prone to break out in a fit of dribbling and juggling at any moment. Because either way, I'm down with KIF.

Dawn said...

Oh Yeah, Mignon, you are keeping it fake. I also am keeping it fake by not referring to any beverage I consume as "Yak"

And I have not now, nor ever, earned money by stripping, or dancing exotically or otherwise.

(We will exlcude those "dance with a guy if he buys you a drink" in college days)

Mom101 said...

WHY do women wear those juicy pants? I mean, any woman over like 16. I never in my life wanted to draw more attention to my ass than necessary, let alone with 64 pt. gothic script.

SUEB0B said...

I am keeping it fake by only dyeing my hair something close to its natural color. No brilliant blonde highlights amid the brown.

I'll never tell said...

I'm kif by not wearing muffin top jeans ( you know the kind that ride so low on your hips and are so tight that your stomach and backfat hang out like a muffin or a cupcake in its little wrapper.) Even after all them kids it's just Levi's baby, that's all, Levi's. And sometimes there are days that I don't even comb my hair. Oh yeah, and those Levi's usually have holes. Does wearing socks with my Birkenstocks in the wintertime count?

I'll never tell said...

Just to give you a better visual, that would be my husbands long white tube socks with my Birkenstock sandals in the winter time.

Mommy on the Loose said...

I so do not get the Juicy thing... I mean, last time I checked, havijng a 'juicy' ass was by no means a good thing and in my house usually means you're about to be either subjected to massive ridicule or thrown in the shower or both. I particularly do not enjoy the visual image that this fashion statement conjures when I at the gym- just what I want to do, use a piece of equipment just occupied by a juicy ass and wondering just how juicy that ass was and how much of that ass juice was left behind. It is kinda fun to say 'juicy ass' though.

Fraulein N said...

Woo! Glad to see Keeping It Fake™ is catching on.

Anonymous said...

**My nails are just the ones I was born with. I don't do the Flo-Jo look where my nails are so long that I look like a damned Sun Bear.

**I don't think that having a big ass is necessarily a GOOD THING.

**No clear heels.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Dawn... I'm sorry that I'm now commenting about your previous post.
It was so deep...
And it made me choose your blog as the Blog of the Week.
Please come over...

Hope you have a great day!


Bobita said...

Keepin' it fake...I shall, indeed.

I'm so impressed by the idea...that I must attempt to "keep it fake" myself!

Well done. I love it more than I can express.

Anonymous said...

Like wordgirl, my nails are my own.

I clean my own house.

I do not do step aerobics.

I take my girls for a walk around the block while carrying a bottle of beer and couldn't give a crap what the neighbors think.

Anonymous said...

When I'm not driving around town in my lovely Prius, my car of choice is a 2001 dark green Saturn station wagon.

I have been known to buy shoes from Payless. Because they fit, and I refuse to spend a billion bucks on shoes for work, because I don't give a shit what my coworkers think of my shoes.

I do not have, nor wear, any "bling."

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