Culinary adventures with Dawn

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I did not INTEND to post today. For real. Life is HEC-to-the-ick.
But, I spent 4 hours yesterday afternoon being yelled at - In Somali- by immigrant women who were not being paid for their child care services. I am a cool and collected woman, but by the end of that, I was worn out.

So, Terrance and Emily took me out for dinner. I am a sucka for the fine cuisine. And booze. I mentioned the booze, right?

Here is a picture of the menu. Note the classy use of bamboo. Which Emily called "baboon" and I cracked up.

Ah, dear Jeebus. Do you see it? The drink which practically tongued me when I opened the menu? Like, down the throat third base tonguing?

Oh yeah Baby. Here it is...

The Acero Martini. Rum and Maple syrup. Holy Fucking Shit.
And cause presentation is everything, breadsticks with FRESH chipolte mayo.

Have I ever mentioned that we, in my family, are condiment escorts? Like the high class escorts, but escorts nonetheless. We LOVE little dishes of condiments. When someone presents us with Fresh, homemade mayo? Our moaning is worthy of the best food porn.

AND THEN, as if the martini and bread isn't enough? Oh dear holy mother of all things beef, the Carpaccio!!! Sweet heavens above. I LOVE carpaccio. With roasted capers? And fresh roasted french bread? Can you feel my tears of joy?

What? What's that? It's time for another martini? Hell YES!

Mmmmm. Mommy feels gooooood. She begins to wink at her husband. Then this thing of beauty is presented unto her...

Yes, Eggplant so thin, (wafer thin)so crisp, so not soggy and overdone that I believe I heard Puccini actually weep at the perfection of this dish.

I could not finish this masterpiece. I got through maybe a quarter of it and had to stop. That is when the server came to inquire about desert... No. I don't think so, but tell me what you have.

Carrot Cake you say? Carrot Cake that you say is second to none? Based on the quality of the rest of the meal, I will rise to your challenge. I will have a piece of this so called "cake", for I am a seasoned and harsh mistress in the realm of the carrot cake.

OR-FUCKING-GASMIC. And not the first orgasm...but the second wave of orgasm. The "Oh, I couldn't have more pleasure - but wait - holy shit, I can!" orgasm. You know the one. The whipped cream? Homemade and not too sweet, but thick and creamy.
If I could have had a smoke and fallen to sleep after that, I would have been a satisfied and happy woman.

As it is, I think I am going to go grab my husband and reward him mightily for his effort in this meal. Then fall asleep. Satisfied and happy.

11 Baleful Regards:

mamatulip said...

Christ that all looks good. Dammit. I'm going to make a frozen pizza and pretend it's eggplant. Then I'll have some water and pretend it's a martini.

Andrea said...

You had me at "fine cuisine". But then I'm a food junkie. And HOLY GOD that martini!! I'll have sweet dreams tonight.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god. I need one of those martinis RIGHT NOW. How long do you think it would take me to drive from the southernmost point in NC to NH?

Feral Mom said...

The one that actually caught my eye was the "Belvidere and Tanq" which I, of course, misread as the "Belvidere and Tang." I was hoping that the Tang robot would deliver it! Curses! But the rum and maple syrup looks good too...

Anonymous said...

They had you at "NH maple syrup." Um, der.

Isn't EVERYTHING better with condiments?

Dawn said...

I am bringing a gallon of the NH maple syrup to Blogher and we will toast each other with these martinis. Seriously, if Terrance hadn't been snipped, I would have gotten pregnant last night, for sure. That is how good the whole thing was.

And the bill? 70 bucks!!! HAHAHA! I rock, for NH does not charge a fortune for this food.

And feral, after two of those, I would pretend to be the TANG monster and make you a tang martini - cause I heart you feral. And your fish white belly.

Jaelithe said...

Awww, dude . . . I can't remember the last time I went out to eat at somewhere that didn't serve chicken nuggets . . .

Okay, there was that cool Thai place on Mother's Day, but we didn't get drinks, or appetizers, or dessert . . .


I think I must go through with my plan to make my husband purchase some high quality rum on the way home from work this evening. Originally I was going to make mojitos with mint I grew myself, but now I am thinking that maple syrup I've got in the fridge might be just the ticket.

Anonymous said...

How about I bring the rum to BlogHer? Was that dark or light? I hope it was dark. Although a mix of dark and light rum would be tasty as well.

Anonymous said...

Oh my. I'm still stuck on the fact that this magnificent meal for 3 was only $70. ONLY $70.

I will bring a martini shaker. In addition to the extra suitcase full of liquor that I already planned to bring.

Anonymous said...

Crispy eggplant? Mmmmmmmm.
Maple syrup and rum? Oh yessssssss.
Chipotle mayo? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Real whipped cream? Oh baby. That was amazing!

Dude. Just reading about this meal made me food horny. For realz.

Bobita said...

I find DEEP delight in a great meal, also. But, I might have to grab the Patronian to accompany my meal! Nothing like a nice warm, yummy tequila grin to make a great meal...heavenly! (Sounds like that is what Rum does for you!)

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