True Wife Confessions Part II

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Confession #011

Oh yeah, I hear her calling my name. But it’s 2 a.m. and you’re awake anyway.

Confession #012

I was going to leave my hair in the tub drain. You’re right. But I’ll die defending that I wasn’t.

Confession #013

Your chili isn’t that good. Really. I’ve just never had the heart to tell you. Your coffee isn’t either.

Confession #014

I hate dancehall music. I just don’t get the appeal for you. But I have smiled as you have played it for a long ass time.

Confession #015

I love that you have more colognes than I do. I love that the Macy’s mens cologne woman knows your first name.

Confession #016

Yes, I washed the chicken. I have been rinsing the chicken for 15 years. You do not have to ask me EVERY TIME if I have washed the god damn chicken. If my plan were to give you salmonella, it would have happened a long time ago.

Confession #017

I know how much you detest Chinese Art Cinema. So it makes me love you more when you sit through three-hour movies in subtitles next to me, whilst I weep uncontrollably at the beauty of the story. And yes, I DID know that “Farewell My Concubine” was going to be three hours long. I just knew if I told you that, you wouldn’t come.


Confession #018

I will never tell you what my girlfriends and I really talk about. You’re my husband, but they are my girlfriends. Iron Curtain, Baby. And yes, we talk about you. And they know EVERYTHING.

Confession #019

Sometimes you only have to make me laugh to change my mood. It is not a strategy you use enough. Ditto for the shoulder massage. You’d get a hell of a lot more if you took note of this.

Confession #020

I know you didn’t read this card you gave me. You just picked the first one you came to that said “To my wife”. That’s why I quiz you on the sentiment behind the words on the card. To see you squirm.

(Part 1)

15 Baleful Regards:

Mignon said...

#19 oh how I wish I could type this up, print it, laminate it and stick it to my forehead.

#17, not so much (didn't the yowling give you the teeniest bit of a headache?). Although I still think Jim should win some award for sitting all the way through Chuck and Buck.

Jenny said...

Thanks for the smile this morning.

Melissa said...

#15 is my husband. Except he extends it onto me, and I finally told him a couple of months ago that he had bought me perfume for every anniversary, holiday, and birthday in the past year. Yes. I have five (five.) brand new bottles sitting on my dresser. My confession: I don't usually wear perfume because it makes me sneeze. I can't tell him, he's too cute. Damn you, sexy husband.

Thanks for the laugh this morning! I have been reading your blog for a while and have nearly died of laughter more than once!

Melissa said...

Oh yeah, and also #11. Mostly to make up for breastfeeding.

Elizabeth said...

More confessions! More more more!

#21-If you want to know why I ran out of money this pay period, sit down and actually LOOK at the freakin' bills once in a while. I'm just sayin'.

Izzy said...

#19 is completely under-utilized around here, too.

I swear to God, you have to teach them every little thing. So annoying.

Sugarmama said...

I so love this idea for a post. My husband doesn't read my blog, but all his friends do. Guess I couldn't get TOO bitchy if I were to do this, and where's the fun in that?

mothergoosemouse said...

I notice that you have added another order of magnitude to the numbers in use.

I can see it now in print: 999 Things That Dawn Refuses To Tell Terrance. Shop it around! It's a sure best-seller!

Her Bad Mother said...

Brilliant. I would so love to do my confessions, but Husband reads the blog. And the secret blog. There's no outlet. So I'll just hoot at yours.

Feral Mom said...

I love this series. #11, hee hee. I have a reputation as a "heavy sleeper" 'round these parts, which is a total lie to get out of nighttime diaper changing. Shh, don't tell him. Also, #19, preach it. Who do you have to fuck to get a neck massage around here?

Mommy off the Record said...

Great post!

My husband always gets worried about #18. I think deep down he knows I've devulged "details" that he might not want devulged. But I deny it anyway.

wordgirl said...

Here's another one:

**I know I appear aggravated that you guys can't find a blessed thing without my "uterine tracking device" finding it for you, and it is a trial for my soul, but I secretly get a kick out of it because it helps to prove my case for womens' natural superiority.

Mom101 said...

I just love your confession posts. If you had an entire blog of nothing but these, I'd be here reading.

Brown Baby said...

Brilliant confessions posts, I love 'em. Thanks for making me laugh today.

also, "And while Love is love. The universe gives us gifts that don't feel like gifts at first. And those things hurt - for a long time"...perfect words, thank you for that, too.

Nancy said...

Here's a good one, and quite timely: if I'm doing something on the computer and have expressed no interest in a romantic interlude, don't try to get friendly with me by rubbing my leg and strategically aiming your fingers toward my nether regions. If I'm in the mood, you will know it.

 
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