How to Survive a Heat Wave

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Step One:

Decide that you don't fucking care anymore about your "professional appearance". Decide to forgo cute Mary Jane heels for Birkenstocks all day at the office. Admire your repaired pedicure. Feet swell cause the AC is broken in your office. The all-brick exterior, former mental institution. It gets hot in there. And these are not people I want to see with LESS clothing. Believe me.





Step 2:

Drive home with all windows open in car. (remember - no AC). Get home. Walk into house. Announce "I'm going swimming". Take off clothes as you walk to the bedroom. Change in less than 8 seconds. Walk to lake and submerge yourself. Like a Hippo in the savannah... Have picture taken by child as you yell "Stop touching my camera with your wet hands!"



Step Three:
Come back to house and do Yoga. At least now your body temperature is almost in normal human range, and you'll have to take a shower afterward anyway, so let's roll it all into one. After Yoga (for Abs) and Shower, decide a mud mask is in order. Oh yeah. Imagine this on Terrance...as he walks...unawares...in Montreal.... Like the rack? Oh yeah, I kept the girls in the suit this afternoon. Although, I have embarrassingly muscular shoulders from the Yoga. Terrance teases me about looking like one of those 'roid body builder dudes with the necks... Let's see who laughs when I crush his windpipe.



Step Four:

Post Yoga mellow. Body cool from the swim and shower, skin refreshed and toned from the mud mask. What could wrap this all up? A less than romantic suggestion from spouse that he "get some" tonight? No Thanks, say me and my muscular neck. How about a cool beverage?

Weeeeeellllll. I could be persuaded. What have you got?

Homemade sour mix? With Mint from my garden? And Vodka? Over lots of ice? In large glass from Redhook Brewery? As a thunderstorm breaks the heat and cools off the air?

Perfection.

21 Baleful Regards:

nancy said...

Gawd, that sour mix looks divine. And refreshing.

Her Bad Mother said...

Oooh, maybe I could just follow you around for the swim/yoga/spa treatments/drinkies part of your day.

Please? Pretty please?

Bobita said...

I think...perhaps you should play with the order of things...you might consider knockin' #4 up a coupla notches!! Like, 4 notches.

Hee-hee.

Elizabeth said...

That's the mud mask Terrance walked around wearing in Montreal? HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ha Ha Ha *snort*

I think your pretty pedicured feet look good in the Birkenstocks, personally.

lildb said...

when I think of you, Dawn, which is possibly more often than you might be comfortable with (are you kinda weirded out, yet?), although, on the other hand, I bet you kinda dig it, I totally see a series of pictures. pic a) shoes. usually heels, but sometimes birkenstocks. pic b) Dawn's face/hair, with some interesting lighting involved. pic c) booze.

check, check and check.

(p.s. I think about you in my car sometimes b/c I have Demon Days and I know you do, too, so that's where all my creepy, stalker lightbulbs-over-head happen. hottt, huh.)

Diana said...

Sheer perfection.

Kim said...

Flip flops t-'s and some version of shorts or skirts that don't show my dimply thigh flesh are my uniform for summer. It's too fucking hot too care about clothes or shoes.

jen said...

it's notuntil you see how white that mask is on a white lady that you realize JUST how hilrious terrance's deal was. HAA.

Lemoda with vokda is a special drink.

p.s. check your dang email.

jen said...

Apparently I rite and spel like the "kiss my nipable" chick. awssum.

Jaelithe said...

I just. can't. believe that man walked out of your home wearing that on his face. Oh, the hilarity . . .

Mint is always better as a drink flavoring / garnish when you grew it yourself.

And, what IS it with husbands thinking that they best way to "get some" is to casually, with no verbal foreplay, say something along the lines of, "So, hey, can I get some?" when that is in fact probably the utterance LEAST likely to get oneself some from one's wife?

If it wouldn't work on a drunk chick in a bar, it's not going to work on your wife, dudes . . .

Jess said...

WHY are you always a blonde in my head??? TELL ME!

Mom101 said...

Homemade sour mix too? Man, pair that with the fresh-baked Montreal croissants and I'm not just visiting, I'm moving in.

MrsFortune said...

Okay, can I be you? with the lake and everything? Mm, thanks. I have yet to have post-partum sex so hubz will have to give up on the "getting some" part, though.

roo said...

Frankly, I'm having a hard time believing that those are the same feet in both photos. I've retained more than my share of water from time to time, but man!

That swim must have felt so good. I wish I had a pond in my backyard.

More than that, I wish I had a Dawnjito.
(For some reason, that sounds vaguely dirty. I'm talking about the homemade cocktail, not... something else.)

(Wait, homemade cocktail sounds dirty too... I'm just gonna stop now.)

mamatulip said...

I wish I had a lake in my backyard...and some of that to drink. That looks so refreshing. Way to do it up.

Andrea said...

I need to take relaxation lessons from you. When I get home at night, I'm lucky if I wear something other than peejays and a drink in the evening? If it doesn't come in a bottle with a twist off cap, I'm not bothering, though your concoctions look heavenly.

Meghan said...

I sak you Dawn, how bad things can get when you can walk to the lake?

NICE. You know how to enjoy an evening.

Meghan said...

I meant ask. Ha.

Fraulein N said...

I love the way you're balefully regarding the camera from the water.

I also love thinking about a black man wandering amongst people with that white-ass mask on his face. Hee!

oshee said...

I love part 2's picture. The look on your face is great.

Mommygoth said...

Love the mud mask. I myself am a big fan of the queen helene mint julep mask - you can look like the she-hulk AND tighten your pores at the same time!

 
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