The Difference between Mommy's and Daddy's

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Right after I wrote that last post, I got a phone call from my husband. I have made him the Notorious B.I.G “Big Poppa” ring tone, so I instantly know it is him.

“Hi Honey, I didn’t mean to call you”

“Oh, well what do you need?”

“Well, (pause) I got a call from Emily’s school this morning.”

“Ok – is she OK? ( I am waiting to hear of vomiting, or fevers etc)

“Well, they said she was marked absent”

“What?” (Panic edge creeping in my voice)

“And I said, ‘What do you mean? I put her on the bus””

“Ok….And”

“And so they said… “HOLY SHIT - OH MY GOD – LOOK AT THAT!”

“What? What? Is she ok? (I now have a vision of my bleeding child staggering down the road)

“IT’S A MOOSE AND ITS COMING UP ON THE PORCH – A MOOSE IS COMING ON THE PORCH – HANG ON, I NEED TO GET THE GARBAGE OFF THE PORCH!!!”

“Where is our daughter? Ignore the moose – where is our daughter?”

“THIS MOOSE IS HUUUUUUGE AND IT HAS HORNS AND A BIG HUMP AND A LONG BEARD AND IT IS LIKE 2 FEET FROM ME!!!”

“WHERE IS OUR DAUGHTER? IS SHE ALL RIGHT????”

“Oh yeah. Yeah, she’s fine – she was just getting her breakfast in the cafeteria, and they marked her absent by mistake. You should see this moose.”

“Don’t ever do that to me again. And yes, the moose is big. All moose are big. I’ll talk to you later.”

5 Baleful Regards:

Jenn said...

Too funny. I have had so many conversations like this, though never with a MOOSE ON THE PORCH. Where do you LIVE?

I loved the lesbian-hubby line over at b'eaw...in the immortal words of P. Hilton: That's hot.

Nancy said...

I almost snarfed up my drink when I first read this. Totally a guy thing to do! You're probably picturing the moose swinging his antlers at poor Emily.

Nancy said...

I almost snarfed up my drink when I first read this. Totally a guy thing to do! You're probably picturing the moose swinging his antlers at poor Emily.

JenfromBoston said...

soemtimes when I read I skip over words to the story b/c I want to see how it ends. sometimes these words are, dare I say, critical toa person's story. So when I got the the MOOSE IS ON THE PORCH bit I was all "FORGET THE MOOSE!YOUR DAUGHTER IS LYING IN A DITCH, BLEEDING!" So imagine my relief when I re-read and learned that she WASN'T.
btw, I think "THE MOOSE IS ON THE PORCH" would make for a great rap song. Kinda has that "The house, the house, the house is on FI-Yah" vibe about it.

Rebecca said...

Dawn, I read your blog with a fervor unparallelled of anyone else who sits in a cubicle. You have inspired me to start my own...

 
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