Soylent Green is American Girl!!!

Monday, October 31, 2005

I would like to mock the American Girl Fashion Show. Really, I would. I endured two showings of the teenage announcer saying “barrette”, when the word should have been “beret” As in, “Molly’s outfit is capped off with a jaunty Beret” – but them pronouncing it “barrette”.

However, I suppose that standing up and shouting “It’s Beret, you moron! Does Monica Lewinsky mean NOTHING to you?” and making a 14-year-old cry wouldn’t have been helpful.

I did wear my Fussy t-shirt and saw noone looking at me or my boobs. Of course, this was a crowd who would rather die than admit they had a traitor to motherhood in their midst – and that the Traitor’s kid was up there on the run way modeling clothes. The Horror! How does the misfit’s kid get to be up on stage? When there were lots of other mothers much more “fashion show” worthy than I?

But my kid seemed to have a really great time. And she was really good at the whole thing. Very poised and confident. After I practically knocked some one’s grandmother over to get up front to take pictures of her [I saw the raised eyebrows at that table as I crashed to the front and sat my ass on the floor in front of the stage]

By the end, a Mom I like very much leaned in and said, “I wish they served drinks – anything to anesthetize me.” This was at the point we were asked to stand up and practice our curtsey – or perhaps when we were asked to stand up and wave our wands and proclaim that we were proud to “Be an American Girl – I like your style, I like your style!!”

And then we all took pledges to kill the infidels and to bear lots of babies to stimulate the economy. Praise God!*

(* this is an ironic use of this phrase)

4 Baleful Regards:

Anonymous said...

You know, I'll bet those special forces units would be pretty pissed if someone referred to them as the "Green Barettes." :-)

I am glad Em had such a good time. Bet she was gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps some of those gentlemen would prefer to be the "green Barrettes".

I would sing the "Battle Hymm of the Green Barrette's"

Anonymous said...

Question - were there not rehearsals for the shows? I mean for a 14 year old to f-up "beret"? No one corrected her or "ran lines"?? I mean, is literacy not an intrinsic value held by the American Girl society?!

I'm sure Em worked it. Can America's Next Top Model not be far behind??

sweatpantsmom said...

I thought you would be interested in this article.

Who knew we needed to be saved from the Barrette-Wearing Lesbians!

(I have two 'biracials' of my own. I always enjoy checking off TWO boxes on the 'Check ONLY ONE' racial-identity section of their school cards just to piss them off.)

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