The fumes of Autumn

Sunday, October 16, 2005

We went on a pumpkin hayride today.

For those of you unfamiliar with the joy of the "pumpkin hayride" , it involves climbing into the back of a wagon and sitting on extremely hard straw. Counterintuitively hard straw. Scratchy too. Hard, scratchy straw. Which in this case, was vaguely damp from the 98 inches of rain that have fallen in the past two weeks.

Adding to the "Atmosphere" is the diesel spewing tractor that pulls the wagon. You are behind this tractor. Since the laws of physics do not suspend themselves for "pumpkin hayrides", you spend the ride deeply inhaling raw diesel fumes. An unhappy looking farmer type is in charge of driving this tractor around and around for 4 hours a day in the fall.

Small children who are amped up on hot cider and frosted pumpkin cookies run around like lunatics screaming "PUMPKINS!PUMPKINS!PUMPKINS!

There is a "petting zoo" to the side of the farm. The wary animals look like they could use some seditives as the same screaming children throw hay, ripped up grass, gourds, and anything else they can get their hands on at them. Only the goats, whom I consider the "gangsta's" of the petting zoo world, come close. The rest stay far, far away.

At these events, I really wish they served alcohol. In fact, I would pay ten bucks a head if you served me some spiked cider to take with me on the ride. This would add to the natural high from inhaling the diesel fumes. I may go around 2 or 3 times, if this was the case. But alas. They do not. Parents would buy a LOT more pumpkins, if they boozed us up a bit.

1 Baleful Regards:

Anonymous said...

You just described our annual fall pumpkin-related trip. The bit about suspending the laws of gravity for diesel fumes is priceless. Wait, where ARE you? Do we go to the same farm?

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