"My child killed your child at the Lord of the Flies Day Care"

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I am an Early Childhood Professional. I have devoted my life to the well being of very young children.

My own failings as a Mother aside, I now plead for the returned dignity of young children.

This means that young children should never have to be in places that bear the following words within their names, in ANY combination

1. Lil' - This is terrible! Who thought this would be charming? This is my all time most disliked attempt at a word in any name of ANY facility. I almost immediately hate a place with "L'il" in the title, simply on principal.

2. Little - We get it - they're small people!

3. Precious, Treasures, Happy, Jolly - Any name with this title can almost be guaranteed to be the exact opposite of the adjective being used.

4. Angels, Cherubs, Leprechauns, Munchkins, Pixies, Hellhounds, Ogres, Wraiths or any other fantasy creature.

5. Kidz - Welcome to the illiterate preskool. Now give us your mooney.

6. Words that are spelled alike ( ie Kidz Kollege) . If you are a parent with more than a GED, you should know better than to place your child in a program like this. I like alliteration as much as the next person, but honestly.

7.Titles with Animals: Farm Friends , Happy Bears, Kute Kritters,Busy Bees, Angry Ants, Irritated Iguanas, Gnarly Guinea Pigs, Lethal Leopards - GIVE IT A REST!

8. The word Tot. Paired with Express. Double the misery.

9. Titles combined with other titles : ie: The Bloody crucifixion of Christ Happy Days Child Care. The mental images are alarming enough.

10. "Animal Farm Day Care": I about fell off of my chair when I first saw this as a name for a child care center. Can you see it? Drop off you child and when you return, they will have killed and eaten a classmate. Why not just "Lord of the Flies Daycare?"

This goes hand in hand with "Playmates Learning Center". Do you find that you don't have enough time in your day to school your daughter in the art of seduction? Would you like your child to be well versed in the different breast implants they could get?

I apologize in advance if your child attends any of the above programs.

7 Baleful Regards:

Sarah said...

Hee hee, I'm right there with you-titles like that make me throw up a little. Luckily my daughter's preschool has a very simple, straightforward name. I think it is named after the park surrounding it.

Anonymous said...

Happily, my girls' day care has a fairly normal name -- although the classrooms incorporate a strange mix of foods, planetary objects, and animals (Pandas, Red Apples, Stars, and Milky Way, among others.)

I think I'd gag if I had to tell people my kids went to Loving Hearts Daycare or Soft Bunny Daycare or something like that. Lord of the Flies Day Care would be pretty bad, too, although at least it would be literary. :-)

Cindylou said...

Go Dawn, after all I once worked at a place called ( you can't make this shit up) "Butterflies Are Free" but your children are safely fenced and gated.....

Anonymous said...

What about: Auntie Martha's Krazy Krack House for Precious Lil' Tots?

Anonymous said...

a little off topic, but something about asking a child if they have "to go potty" has always bugged (hearing me say it more than them asking). I mean, I'll ask, cuz that's the word they know (tho will mixe it up w/ bathroom as a matter of principle), but I really feel they should be saying, "Mother, Father, I have to use the bathroom/lavatory/facilities now, please." It's just good manners.
Potty. Geez.
And now that I've made that known, I'll get a get who'll be in diapers til kindergarten...

Ann said...

This post is how I found your blog. It was on the website "Daycares Don't Care".

Dawn said...

Thanks Ann - Not for long. I've requested they remove any links from their odious website.

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