The end of the innocence

A few days ago ,during the "drink the bottle of wine" night , I had a terrible day at work. That, in and of itself, is not usual. I have an emotionally taxing job and some days are much harder than others.

Yes, on that day I had to deal with some unpleasant issues involving child abuse, including calling a case into intake. But again, in the course of my job, I see these things and they roll off of me. I do my job, I am the boundary setting adult, the voices of reason, the weathervane of common sense.

So what was different about that day?

On that day, I saw something that rattled me. I saw a person whom I respect crumble into nothing.

It isn't the first time I have watch a person whom I thought principled fall in the face of authority, or self preservation, or a million other things. Even I have chosen my battles in life, and sometimes have gone along with things I didn't love to keep the peace, or keep my job.

But this was unexpected and in an area that I assumed was somehow off limits for discussion.

I work for a State Agency. That means very little. However, the Bureau that I work within is comprised of Early Childhood professionals. My supervisor has preached the importance of having the right people - those with ECE backgrounds and degrees - for the jobs that we do. She has portrayed the work we do as special and that without that ECE background and degree, I assumed you couldn't get into this Bureau. I was proud to be a part of this team. Here we were, ECE professionals who have done the hard job that providers do and are working hard to advocate for these professionals. We present the stance that if you are not a professional in Early childhood, you have no business speaking for our profession.

Until last week. I watched my supervisor give away 2 positions in our bureau with no regard to background, experience or expertise.

And everything I have listened to her say, everything I have diligently parroted to the world suddenly rang hollow. It wasn't true.

And I can't tell her that it is OK that this happens. She wants me to say this - she asks me over and over again to get me to agree that this is a good thing. Getting people is better than standing on principal...right?

But it isn't.