Pssst, over here - do you see me sneaking off to blog?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Boy, do I feel like a complete and total weak ass for not being able to take more than 4 days off from a computer. Like a freaking crack addict. Like Whitney Houston looking for her next score. I am running from place to place to see if any computers are to be had - anyone? anyone?

So yes. I am here in the Unholy Mecca. Children are tired and hot - and whiny. More than one threat was uttered today:

For example:

"Do you realize how much money we spent getting you here? What do you MEAN you want an ice cream?"

"If you stand in front of a fountain, you just have to deal with being wet. You may not take off your clothes here and if you try, I will have to beat your ass."

"If you don't eat all of that $5.00 muffin, you'll be mighty hungry, cause you aren't getting anything else - ever"

Egad. I swear if they walked through the parks serving wine, the whole place would be a hell of a lot more relaxed. I suspect they would make more money too, although the terrorist jihad of small children can break down the strongest adult.

I am collecting lots of photos of the god-awful outfits. Wow. Some have surpassed my wildest expectations. I'd also like to talk about the resurgence of the fanny pack - but acting more as a "front butt" on the large folks of the world? Please, don't accentuate your gut - with another level of protrusion. Believe me, I am an expert gut-hider. You do not bring attention to the gut!

And ladies. If you are a 40-50 year old woman, and want to wear a tube top - and are over a size 12 - please don't be tempted to rent the convertible PT cruiser. The whole thing just isn't cool. Just not cool.

I'll check in again, cause I'm a blog whore and can't stay away....

23 Baleful Regards:

Nancy said...

Sounds like a rollicking good time. Can't wait to see the pics of the outfits.

I have a great (?) clumsy story to share with you -- I'll have to send you an e-mail.

I don't blame you for needing to check in with the blog. I am not sure I could stay away for several days either. It's definitely a sickness.

Have fun!!

Lisa said...

Yeay You updated. Thanks because I've been wondering how you've been doing. Hope the trip is fun and you get at least SOME booze. Because it sounds like you've SO earned it!

Mom101 said...

Remind me one day to tell you about Nate and my (free) Disney trip a few years ago. Keywords: Nervous breakdown/I will never have children

Hang in there!

PS they do serve booze in the parks at Universal. Maybe you need to go there for a day?

Andrea said...

sounds like a blast. There is one lone beer stand in Magic Kingdom, behind the teacups toward the back of the park. The restaurants in all the other parks serve the good drinks, and there are beer stands by England in the Countries, where they sell yards. The prices always sucked, but at one point, we didn't care and just wanted alcohol. We didn't even go with kids and we were annoyed by kids. They were everywhere, sweaty, whiney, and driving their blank staring parents to the brink. What a fun place, huh?

Mommy off the Record said...

I am totally with you on the blogging addition thing. I was fiending as soon as I woke up this morning, hence the reason I'm reading this blog instead of sleeping in. (Dang. I need help.)

Anyway, have fun and try not to spend your entire retirement savings on food--I've heard it happens pretty easily.

TB said...

The last time I was at Disney, I seriously considered sneaking in a flask.
As money hungry as they are, I'm shocked they are missing out on that kind of revenue opportunity.

Have a great rest of the trip!

Jaelithe said...

Hello, my name is Jaelithe, and I am an internet addict too.

I think I'd be hard put to stop myself sneaking off for a quick fix in the middle of a RELAXING vacation. But a masochistic pilgrimage to the House of Mouse? I'm surprised you've lasted this long without a hit!

Good luck finding some wine, too . . .

jen said...

for the record, I was in South Beach looking for some wireless action (couldn't "get any"). And I was only there for A LONG WEEKEND.

I look fwd to the pics. Ya gotta do like glamour Dos and Don'ts and put a black bar over their eyes.

never understodd the fanny/colostomy bag. I saw Jennifer Aniston wearing one, and even SHE couldn't make that thing look cool.

mothergoosemouse said...

Oh yes, they used to serve alcohol at the local amusement park where we went every summer growing up. My aunts and uncles called it "the beer ride". As in, "You kids go on the Screamin' Demon. We'll go on the beer ride."

And those are EXACTLY the kind of pictures I want to see. Fat chicks in tube tops with fanny packs.

Mignon said...

The last time I was at the House o' Mouse I got a picture of big fat Ned Beatty with a fanny pack. Two things I hope to never see again.

It's so strange you can't get alcohol there because whoever created the Small World ride was obviously under the influence of something.

MrsFortune said...

Oh I am soooo an addict, too, honestly. I need a 12 step program. But I'm glad you updated! Bring me some mouse ears. And I thought the fanny pack was dead. Damn.

Cindy said...

Fanny/colostomy pack, reminds me of a joke: why don't women want a colostomy? It is so hard to find shoes that match the bag!
Sorry sorry sorry.

Dawn, have fun rocking the house of (evil rat) Mouse

mama_tulip said...

There's no booze there? Anywhere? My god, they've gotta have something for the parents.

Jess Riley said...

I'm with Mother Goosemouse on the pics. :)

And thanks for the warning; I WILL be smuggling in a flask of booze when we one day go to any theme park with our children.

madge said...

Dawn's take on the Unholy Mecca will surely be one for the ages.

I. CAN'T. WAIT.

halloweenlover said...

Good Lord. Much strength being sent to you. Try not to burn your eyes on the outfits.

Marcie said...

You should try Busch Gardens next time. They give you FREE beer.

Fraulein N said...

Cannot wait for the pictures of theme park outfits. Confession: I actually wore a fanny pack to Disney World once. Okay, in my defense, I was twelve! And my mom bought it for me!

oshee said...

It sounds like you are having a great time. Typically great, expensive time.

I can't wait to see the outfits.

Elizabeth said...

I know you're going to have some great stories for us when you get back. Funny, snarky stories. I can't wait!

Sugarmama said...

Oooh, I love to play fashion police, but I usually feel like a total bitch doing it. So PLEASE post photos so I can have others to be snarky with! It'll be our guilty secret. Or mine anyway.

C.ELLA said...

I'm glad you're an addict because I missed reading your posts.

Izzy said...

Marcie's right. Go to Busch Gardens next time. They GIVE you beer. Plus...EXTRA ADDED BONUS —— I live in Tampa.

 
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